31.07.2020

Breakup is a normal and rather common stage, which, unfortunately, often brings a lot of unpleasant emotions, even if you broke up “peacefully” and by mutual agreement.  When you come to a conscious decision to break all the ties and, for example, remain friends, you leave your comfort zone and change your usual way of things.  As a result, you feel loneliness, emptiness, perhaps frustration, fear of the future, and that's why you miss your finished relationship. Well, you always can find women online and sublimate through communication.

Sometimes a breakup is accompanied by mutual accusations, reproaches, and insults. It happens mostly because you are disconnected, suppress negative emotions, etc. Each detail does its part and ultimately creates hatred for each other. No matter how you broke up, you have to go through certain stages of acceptance and forgiveness to move on and accept the changes.

I miss my ex- is it OK?

One way or another, most people have two questions: I miss my ex - is it Ok?Is it normal to still love my ex?  - Yes, it's normal.  Considering the situation as a whole, you do not really miss your ex –  you miss the vivid emotions and feelings experienced with your girl at the beginning of your relationship.  Remember what tremulous and exciting was your first date? In fact, these are just pleasant memories. You do not need your ex to experience these emotions once more. 

Being in a relationship, people tend to idealize their “soul mate”. Thus, you do not notice any things or features in your mate that you may hate further, after the honeymoon.  People tend to take wishful thinking, and this is the problem of many.  We draw certain types in our imagination, which we then label with our partners. So is it worth it?  Sometimes you need to ask yourself the question: "Do I love this person the way he /she is?"  Perhaps, you are disappointed only because you could not achieve any of your ideals in a relationship with your ex. 

After breaking up, it is quite challenging to assess the situation objectively and immediately draw any conclusions and take stock. At first, the obsessive thought I miss my ex-girlfriend will torment you constantly.There is always the possibility that your "soulmate" does not supplement you, but simply fills your inner personal void. In this case, it is worth revising your life guidelines and understanding whether your suffering is concluded in a relationship, or whether the problem is in you. Perhaps you are standing still not wanting or afraid to move on, and your girl /boyfriend is just an attempt to close yourself from reality and continue to procrastinate.

Reasons you miss your ex-girlfriend and why you need to figure them out

  • First of all, you can miss your ex because you are afraid of lonelinessand want to keep your woman happy. Think about it. Maybe it's just unbearable for you to be left alone with yourself; you don't know how to entertain, please or console yourself. Perhaps you have no goals in life or any plans for yourself; you have no hobbies and favorite activities. You should learn to spend time with yourself. Ideally, a person should be comfortable being alone because it is a natural state for each of us.
  • Fear of leaving your comfort zone badly affects your emotional state after breaking up with your beloved and your life as a whole. While everyone around you is looking for adventure, you sit at home, huddled in a corner, and look at the world around you as a threat to your mini-world's integrity.
  • A common cause of longing for an ex may be your unjustified expectations. Should I tell my ex-girlfriend I miss her? - It depends on whether you really miss her the way she is, and not the image that you created for yourself and which you are used to.
  • Sometimes longing can be related to the syndrome of the victim sitting inside you. Then it’s not love that speaks for you, but ordinary affection based on your unhealthy attitude towards your ex. In this case, you should try to analyze whether everything was good and “right” between you, whether you were happy. Should you tell your ex that you miss them? It depends on whether the so-called "chemistry" and the connection were actually present between you and not an unhealthy attachment. Try to stop clinging to people as a lifeline.
  • Have you ever felt that you can move mountains near your beloved, and without it, you can’t be anything? Is everything all right with your self-esteem? Maybe you miss your ex because she /he made you feel more confident, and after parting, your self-esteem dropped at an all-time low.
  • The hardest thing is to get over your ex when it seems to you that everything could be changed and adjusted for the better. Unfortunately (or fortunately), a breakup is a confirmation that you cannot correct or change a person. No matter how you love a person, don't take someone else's life and responsibility onto your shoulders, try to concentrate on yourself and your goals. Relations should be a joy, not a burden.
  • Sudden changes in life are often tricky even to people with a strong spirit, since we, by nature, are more adapted to a measured and, to some extent, predictable life. Most likely, your experiences are simply the beginning of your new path or the end of the old stage in your life. Should you tell your ex how you feel? Perhaps you really should talk with him/her about this, as most likely, your feelings and thoughts are very similar. You can answer each other whether you made a mistake by breaking up, for example, in a hurry, without really considering anything, or you always subconsciously understood that you could not be together.

What to do if you miss an ex-girlfriend?

There aren't many things that can bring you joy in life when you miss your ex. It is a terrible feeling that completely drains you. Besides, when the wounds are still fresh, you need some time to recuperate and think over. "Should I text my ex-girlfriend I miss her?" many would ask. Here are some things you can do if you want to get her back or get on with your life.

1. Meditate, meditate, meditate!

You might want to text her, get drunk, or do stupid stuff just to fill the void inside your soul. But if you go for instant gratification, things won’t fix themselves in the long run. Instead, you will feel guilty and foolish for pursuing your momentary desire. If you feel hotheaded, angry, or disappointed, catch yourself on these thoughts. Breathe in and out. Go listen to some music, redecorate your home, or call your friends. Do an exercise and try to place your mind in a meditative state. 

2. Stay occupied

The worst thing you can do while you miss an ex-girlfriend is letting emotions take over you. You might even feel unmotivated, lazy, and depressed. When you stay stagnant and static, thoughts will inevitably crawl into your head, playing memories like a little record. To make them go away, engage in severe mental and physical work. Learn a new skill, do sports, jog, play Sudoku – whatever you can to keep yourself busy. The moment your butt finds itself on the couch – it's over for you.

3. Socialize

Post-breakup depression goes hand to hand with loneliness. Especially if you were in a long-term relationship, the emptiness in your heart and home could be quite noticeable. How do you get over an ex you still love? Stay social. It doesn't mean you have to start a new relationship to keep yourself busy. Try to go out more, meet your friends and relatives to receive support. Sure, no one's company can be as fun as your exe's (or that is what you may think right after a breakup). It might feel like you used to have mayo as a dressing, but now you have to go with a zero-calorie vegan substitute. Not quite filling,  but it might be even healthier if you know what I mean.

4. De-press

The majority of breakup survivors usually think that their lives as over, as all they wanted to be happy in a relationship. You might have incorporated your girlfriend into a future life, but there is no need to build a new plan for life immediately. Take some time to grieve. Don't feel the pressure of staying in one place for a while. You need to think over a different strategy, but it all can wait.

5. Don’t stalk

Stalking her Insta will do everything times worse. The same goes for asking mutual friends about your ex, listening to rumors, and fantasizing. It is highly recommended that you block your ex-girlfriend. People often ask, "why do I miss my ex?" while scrolling through photos in their phone gallery. Be wise and block her feed, ask friends not to tell anything about her new life.

6. See new places

Instead of going to the same café where every spoon is a bitter reminder of your broken love, find new places to drink coffee. Find new parks, a different route to work. Bring new energies into your life, visit places that you don’t associate with your ex. 

7. Write where it hurts.

If you still have some trauma to unpack and processing it alone doesn't give you results, write about it. Describe every bad trait that your ex has: all the claims and complaints, every situation that made you bitter. Translate this aggression and all the untold toxicity into words. If your girlfriend did you wrong, you could tell her as it is. Just call and express your feelings, even if it hurts. Address issues that didn't find resolution and forget about them.

8. Get your stuff back

If you lived together, take all your things from her house. Why should you do it? If you take all of your clothes together, you will have no urge to “return because you forgot something at hers”. Just pack everything and resist the desire to “accidentally forget” another conversation starter. Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to take away presents or get yours back. Just try not to stare at them and catch feelings. If you have some stuff over at your house, pack them in a box until you no longer grieve when you see them. 

9. Stay sane

It is easier to take the responsibility off your shoulders and say you were just drunk. We all know that’s an excuse to call or drive by. If you want to stay safe and have no regrets, stay sober. Drunk texts are not going to fix your relationship. 

10. Call her

"Should I tell my ex I miss her?" If you want to call her, why not? She is still a close person and hopefully, a friend. You can still check on her, share your story, be worried about her health, etc. But if you call to make up, don't make mistakes. You can call with that aim only if you know your relationship can change for better.

Should you tell your ex that you miss them?

Some guides beg you to avoid calling your ex. But if you have a love for this person, why should you keep it to yourself? 

It is completely okay to miss your ex. They are still dear to you. Moreover, they truly want to know that you miss them. They want to hear these words of confirmation too. Even if you don't intend to get back, expressing your emotions will make your life easier.

Don’t be scared to run against the wall of misunderstanding. She might have pride and hide her feelings. But deep down, she wants to hear from you too. 

Breakups are tough, but you can face it like a pro. Stay safe, healthy, and occupied. Realize that this time will change, and feelings of grief will go away. You will eventually get better and walk into a new life.

 

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