Whether you believe that money runs the world or not, you cannot deny its impact and importance on how things work in life. Your upbringing, your education, childhood and life in general depends on your wealth. Obviously, there are people who find happiness with empty pockets, yet it is a rare thing, I believe. Today we will talk about everything that concerns money and relationships, as money in relationships is always a popular topic, whether it’s who should pay or basic marriage finance.
Reasons money matters in relationships
Material well-being is one of the main sources of anxiety and even fear. It may be noted that material well-being and close relationships are often interrelated. If a husband does not try to earn money for the family or does not spend it on a woman, a woman may have thoughts that he does not love her. Other options are possible.
This happens because the structure of the human subconscious is the limbic system, whose main goal is survival. In our world, having money is an opportunity to survive. For cave people, the presence of a cave, fire, and food was survival. We have money. Therefore, money and survival are very tightly bound. This mechanism is very strong. However, it is necessary to divide money and love, couples and money should coexist, to break the connection between how much we are provided materially and how much we love our partner. The quality of the relationship should not depend on the amount of money.
Conversation with your partner about money
It is a taboo to talk about finance and relationships. People are afraid to talk about such sensitive subjects as couples and money. And most of the time this concerns women. They are afraid to bring up the topic in order not to hurt their man.
And such fear, while is reasonable, is unproductive. You should talk rationally about everything that happens in your family, especially when it’s something as big as its budget.
Money and marriage and intertwined.
To have common goals or future plans in important. To have them helps a lot with saving money since you are now both striving for something to acquire in the future. And even if you are not concerned about future plans and just trying to go through the everyday motions, just hanging by, day by day, then, in this case, such conversation is mandatory, it has to take place. If things are bad, analyze where you can save money, analyze your necessities and exclude the things that are useless. Analyze all the ways in which you spend money in relationships, it often helps.
Sharing your finances: things to consider
Within the framework of the general budget, people agree that their incomes will form a common cash pile, financial basis and platform for meeting the material needs of all family members. Money is introduced and form a common budget by two partners voluntarily, consciously, honestly. Psychologically, this helps to confirm and reinforce the spouses' confidence that they have a common, coordinated view on the resolution of key issues, common goals, plans, a vision for their implementation, a high level of trust in each other. After all, the decision to jointly manage your hard-earned money requires trust in your partner, faith and conviction that together, hand in hand, it is easier, better, more convenient, more fun to achieve your goals and build a family. Without the respect and authority of your partner, the ability to agree on how and what money should be spent for is not enough.
From an economic point of view, this is the most rational type of coexistence of money and marriage, because from two sources of income it is easier to find an opportunity to cover not only basic needs, but to find an opportunity to save and plan. If two partners responsibly and consciously relate to the introduction of a marriage finance into the family and its use, they have a more real opportunity to calculate and rationally distribute funds.
For the most necessary things (food, utility bills, housing, etc.), plan important purchases, agree on savings for more promising acquisitions and investments, goals, travel, study, etc.
With proper organization and implementation, when the two partners feel each other’s support, the degree of internal feelings about what to do if something happens is reduced. The presence and implementation of common projects, goals, desires help strengthen family relationships.
How not to let money ruin your relationships
Improper and lavish spending affects “the buck”, thus affects the family as well. A poor family is, most likely, one in which at least one of the partners isn’t happy with how things are going. As we’ve mentioned above, you should plan your budget, but how do you do it properly?
Start with what is important to you: family and relationships with this person or the desire to "win at any cost"? If you want to keep your family, then understand for yourself what is most important in your life, what you really insist on (continuing education, the ability to have a separate room, free movement outside public transport) - each has something different. And then, the remaining decisions about purchases and investments can be made more calmly, making concessions. When there are no quarrels, the opportunity arises to discuss something without emotions.
The second aspect of saving your relationship is to properly face the partner that creates such financial issues. How do you do it properly?
Start with what is happening now in a relationship. What exactly do you want to say or ask? Since when did questions about salaries begin to appear? What has changed lately in the relationship? What emotions do you have when communicating with your spouse? It is possible to find the real reason for dissatisfaction with the situation or with each other both through analysis and together with the therapist. As for the very wording “can you earn more?”, we must clearly understand that this is a manipulation. So, it is necessary to stop it, without trying to justify it. How? “I hear what you say to me about a small income. I hate to hear this, because I myself am looking for solutions myself." As an option - if you are ready for this - ask what your partner is not really pleased with. So, the situation will be clearer and, most likely, the remaining difficulties of the family will be revealed.
Tips for young couples to build wealth
So, we will observe the life of the average couple - Jack and Jill, and learn from their mistakes. Jack and Jill are very fond of gadgets. And the news that a new iPhone came out right before Jill’s birthday made Jack take out a loan for this purchase. This is a typical mistake of all young families - you have to spend less than you get! There are too many temptations around, and there will always be a lot of them, but it is better to save up for a good phone (and take care of it a few months before the holiday) than to take out a loan to buy it and pay it with interest. What if you lose your job? What if the credit phone falls and crashes? A loan will have to be paid off regardless of these problems. Jill, as a lover of new dresses, once had empty pockets but really wanted to purchase that one beautiful dress. To her misfortune, bank consultants in the neighboring department offered to issue an “incredibly convenient” credit card with almost no interest! Without reading the contract, Jill signed it and got her dress. At the same time, she invited her friends to a cafe and bought a present for Jack. After all, the melting amount on a credit card is not visible, and it seems that everything will be quickly covered “by itself”. And now, for many months, Jack and Jill cannot pay off the debt on the ill-fated credit card, as new interest and expenses constantly appear.
What is more important: money or relationships
Money and relationships rarely go together. However, we often find ourselves with nothing due to an incorrect assessment of ourselves or a loved one. For example, how often do you want to relax by the shore or do anything else for your pleasure? It is hard, but finance and relationships should co-exist.
Where there is a lack of agreement, there are offenses and there are quarrels. Who should pay and how much? How to keep a gentle union when the question of buying a new dress or toaster has destroyed it? Can a woman become a directing force in a couple and help a man not to lose self-esteem before he’s earned money for a yacht? At the same time, a lady should observe her own interests.
And spouses, most often, have relatives - mothers and fathers, grandmothers and grandfathers, with whom they also need to continue to communicate, pay attention to them. It’s not always finances which are spent on their support, sometimes you just need to bring food or sit at a family gathering, drink tea and chat. But it may be even worse: when the life of generations of one family is woven together so closely that it is unclear who is right and wrong, and also how to get out of this situation. This is a highly sensitive subject that people are often afraid of, considering it as taboo. Yet it is important to have such discussions with your partner for your and his/her sake.