Suppose you had a date with a girl, everything went well. There was an escalation of communication. You got a little closer, kissed, hugged, in general, you had quite a lovely contact. But, quite often, for some reason, this does not turn into a second date. This happens for several reasons, mostly because guys do not take the initiative or misinterpret the hints.
Men either begin to pester the girl, bother her with their calls and endless correspondence, or, on the contrary, disappear for a week and then, as if nothing had happened, they call and offer to see each other. Sometimes it works, but often it doesn't. How long between first and second date is a usual pause? We will delve into this topic in detail below.
The gap between first and second date — is there any formula?
According to polls regularly conducted by single ladies dating sites, it is the first 36 hours after the first date when a man should call back. If there is no call within this period, the chances of a second invitation are seriously reduced. Interestingly, before the era of the invention of mobile phones, this period was three days.
When does the rule work? If you are an active user of dating sites, we recommend that you strictly adhere to this rule. If the girl doesn't write first, hinting that she is not against the meeting, a man shouldn't text too. Usually, a girl should wait and get busy doing other things. If a man wants to see his last date, he will step over his pride, take all his courage, and text or call. Go to a rendezvous with the next candidate at this time, or forget about the person who did not reach out to you. It is possible that a guy chooses from several girls and looms on your horizon after a couple of weeks.
When does the rule not work? It doesn’t apply to group dates because arranging them can take up more time and effort. If you want to call first, we will not dissuade you, whatever your gender and principles are. According to the data of all the same sites, about 5% of men do not mind at all if the girl they like takes the initiative — perhaps he even waits for you, drop a line.
Only you can get a feel for whether it's worth going out with someone a second time, so trust your instinct. Focus not on what you lacked (for instance, physical attraction) but on the positive moments during your first date. If you feel that you long for this person, call or text them even if they did not reach out first. We all have a fear of rejection. Some people cope with it while others don't, so the time between the first and second dates gets too long.
How to understand it's time for a second date
- First dates always involve a little research. Are you laughing at the same things? Can you keep up the conversation? And, of course, the main question: is this person attractive to you? Many people will agree that it takes attraction for a successful long-term relationship, but it's hard to guess exactly when that spark will come. So if you didn't feel sexually attracted on the first date, should you go on the second? Or how long to wait after first date for second date? Let's consider these issues.
Physical attraction is a tricky issue
Sometimes it strikes like lightning. At such moments, you will notice a person in the subway and think about them the whole day. In other cases, the chemistry is much slower. Many people admit that they did not feel a physical attraction to their significant others at the time of their first meeting. Tthat all changes when a little time passes and a stronger bond is formed in the couple. If you didn't feel sexual attraction when you first met, could it arise later? Yes, but it's better when you feel it immediately because it reduces the gap between first and second date.
First dates can be incredibly intimidating
They are like job interviews that leave us feeling pressured. Anxiety is often associated with making an excellent first impression, but it makes it difficult for people to relax and be who they are. As a result, it becomes even more difficult for you to feel any connection with your potential partner. For this reason, experts advise you to give a chance and arrange second dates if you have not been able to feel physical attraction (provided that you had a good time). Even when you felt a little awkward or under pressure, do not put by the second date.
When the illusions are not that hight yet
You don't need to convince yourself that you have a specific type of people to whom you are drawn. This limits and deprives you of opportunities. Feeling attracted to your partner is essential, but it is not always possible to remove the right conclusions on a first date, especially if you subconsciously measure everything by specific standards. For example, a potential lover looks very different from your previous partner, and you convince yourself that they will not suit you. This is why you should go on another date not long after the first one: you give your brain the opportunity to catch up and feel physical attraction.
How to ask for a second date: tips and lines
- So the first quick date went well. It's time to plan the second, which will no longer limit you in time or space. You have already learned that the average time between first and second date is one-two days. How not to spoil the romantic experience? Are there uniform rules? Of course not. But some recommendations are still worth taking into account, especially if you do not know how to behave.
Do not hide behind ostentatious indifference
Do not appear in the conversation casually, as if you had nothing to do or, out of boredom, decided to offer to spend the evening together. Behind the deliberate disdain, there is often a fear of rejection. It is better to spend a little time finding a potentially exciting event or place where you can continue your acquaintance. Texting between first and second date should be casual but not arrogant.
Surprising is essential, but don't overdo it
It is better to postpone extreme entertainment. For now, choose leisure in a pleasant atmosphere, followed by a romantic walk. Go-karting, trampoline jumping, or ATV racing are great, but only if you are sure that the companion will like this kind of entertainment. Better not to risk it.
Think over a few scenarios, take care of the little things
If you lean towards a cafe or restaurant, focus not only on cost but also on time. Consider whether the outdoor café will get cold late at night and be too crowded in the middle of the day. Who will pay for what is an intuitive and subtle point? Be, just in case, financially and morally ready. If the date stretches for the whole day, it is good to change the environment and not sit in one place. The change of scenery gives communication a different dynamic. Throughout the entire date, you will have new thoughts and feelings.
Offer them something casual yet romantic
If you want to give your second date a casual touch, take your travel companion to the most favorite or exciting places in the city. Many recreational vehicles are at your disposal: bike rentals and boat stations, open in summer, set you in the right mood. Accompanied by stories, impressions, and memories, the second date will be a harmonious continuation of the first.
Dating is not a battlefield
Talk about what is exciting and dear to you. Why go all out? The love of art, rooftop walks, or Latin dancing may not be appreciated to the extent that you expect. You shouldn't test a person with your hobbies on a second date. It can turn into awkwardness.
Similarly to as you have been calculating the average time between first and second date, the other side may be playing with you too. Sharing impressions of what you have seen or heard together help to see your soul mate in the interlocutor much faster. But do not im[opse any expectations on a person.
Be attentive to gestures and touch
During a first date, tactile sensations help you understand your companion and get to know them better. In this regard, a man comes to the etiquette aid, which allows him to provide attention and care in the most diverse form. From women, you can expect more direct plastic manifestations, signaling sympathy. How long to wait after first date? Depending on your intentions and the general fleur of the first meeting. If you are both looking for sex and expressed readiness for it on the previous date, you can invite each other for the next one not so long after.
Use common topics as a hook
Before the second date, people open up, speak more honestly and openly; they are more like themselves. And then you can already understand whether it is worth continuing to date them. The more you communicate via the Internet and get involved in the process, the more informative the future date will be. After you have already talked about some superficial topics, you can start a few more critical discussions in the chat and continue them on the date.
Invite them even if the sympathy was not that strong
Sudden falling in love is more of a myth, but the brain gives quite understandable commands when it tunes in to a romantic relationship with someone, and if you feel something — you have all rights to continue. You have every chance to improve your first impression of yourself and show your personality better.
Decide based on your goals
A March 2015 study of 5,500 Americans found that 74% of those looking for a healthy relationship give a second chance. More than half believe that if the first date went well, the second is much better. When you first meet, you know little about each other, even if you communicated virtually. One awkward phrase — and you might think that they are some idiot. And with more information, you are more likely to understand that this is an accident or misunderstanding. How long to wait for a second date? It depends on how desperate or serious you are.
Listen to where they would like to go
Already at the very first date, you can throw the idea of going somewhere. This does not have to be a direct, straightforward agreement. You can use the "bridge to the future" technique. It consists of the following: you tell the person about something you will do together after some time. For example, you can ask if they were to someplace and add that you go there with them. Something like this: "Have you watched the new Star Wars? Let's go together, I was asking my friend, but they will be out of town on weekends. "
- Finally, how long to wait for second date? One of the mistakes is to wait for the moment when the person is ready to move forward. The correct strategy is to create such situations. You have to understand that it doesn't matter how long you have been talking to each other. It is always better to explore the other one in real life than online.