The feelings that we feel for a person at the beginning of a relationship may end up being quite misleading, as the wave of passion that swallows us whole may close our eyes on the negative aspects of character that our lovers possess. But, after that storm of passion has long gone away and you’ve settled down, you start picking up the pieces and discover that a person you are dating is not that perfect after all. Let’s first look into some statistics and find out how many marriages end in divorce.
How Many Marriages End in Divorce?
Let’s talk about some marriage statistics. In the case of the United States, there are roughly 6.8 marriages and 3.2 divorces per 1000 people. Around half of all the marriages in the US end in either divorce or separation. As for some other statistics, 60 percent of all second marriages end in divorce, and as for third marriages, 73 percent of them end in divorce. The US holds the 6th place worldwide for the highest divorce rate. In the US, every 13 seconds someone gets divorced, which means that around 277 divorces happen every hour.
Obvious Pros and Cons of Divorce
How can such a bad situation as divorce have anything positive to it? Well, in short, if you are getting divorced, it means that your relationship wasn’t all that satisfying to you, and it is something like pressing the reset button on your personal life. If you want to do it and you want to find a new partner, then visit this single ladies website and find a new bride today.
- You become free of all the burdens of the married life.
- You part ways with a person that you neither love anymore nor even hate.
- You get another shot at establishing your personal life.
- You enter the world of bureaucracy and endless stacks of papers.
- A divorce is, depending on a situation, a very troubling period, with lots of quarrels and scandals attached.
- The process of splitting assets can be quite hard and long.
Common Reasons Why Marriages Fail
Let’s now look into some of the most common reasons why marriages end as according to statistics.
When your life turns into a boring cycle of work and microwaved food, having an argument with your partner and then drinking all the sorrows away – then you know that your life in a relationship is not going through its best phase, maybe the best choice would be to change something and find a new partner. If this is the case in your relationship, then you should probably break up with your partner and use one of those young women seeking men dating websites and find a partner right now.
Cheating is never a good sign for a relationship as if it wasn’t obvious before I wrote that sentence. It is a sign of some major issues in a relationship, when one of the partners (or both of them), for one reason or another, resort to getting that something on the side.
Abuse and domestic violence
Now, in the case of infidelity, a couple can get back and patch their things up, but in the case of abuse, it is, generally speaking, quite hard to get back and rebuild a relationship. If you are on the receiving end of abuse, then you have to immediately shut down your relationship and seek help from your friends and relatives if you need it.
This one is a hard topic to discuss, it all depends on a situation in which you find yourself, it all depends on a type of a disease your relationship is facing and whether or not you were on good terms before entering your relationships.
Conflicts with your spouse's relatives
This one is also hard to identify and be categorical about, it all depends on the influence that your spouse’s parents have on your relationships and what damage do they cause to it. If the impact is not that damaging and they are not hurting your relationships, then you should think twice before divorcing. However, if they ruin everything that they touch, and your life is miserable because of their influence on your relationships – get a divorce, start a new life.
If your partner has financial issues that influence your family’s business because of their gambling or any other issue, then you should probably get a divorce. A relationship should elevate you, not drag you down.
How to Know When Your Marriage Is Over
Now let’s talk about some sure signs your marriage is over and you should start a new life.
1. You are no longer a couple
Should I get a divorce? "A man and a woman whose union is over — or nearly over — usually lose a close connection," says Elayne Savage, Ph.D. in psychology. “If you no longer spend time together, if one or both of you are constantly busy at work, with friends or online, and at the same time, you feel relieved that you don’t have to be with each other, then this means that you are moving away from marriage,” she explains.
2. One of you refuses to work on your relationships
Some marriages face serious challenges that seem insurmountable. This may be infidelity, loss of a close family member or a prolonged absence of sex. But, according to Alisa Bowman, if one of the partners raises a problem, asks for help and makes it clear that the marriage will not survive, if both do not start working on it, while the second one refuses to work on issue, then we can say that such a marriage is in trouble.
“One partner cannot try to do everything on their own,” Bowman says. There is one rule of life: if an entire year has passed without progress, perhaps it is time to put an end to such a relationship.
3. The relationship lacks respect
Is my marriage over? Well, do you have mutual respect in your relationships? "One of the most important aspects of a relationship is mutual respect," Savage notes. If this is not the case, if one of the partners is constantly rejected or feels an indulgent attitude (and the second one does not notice it or refuses to discuss it) - then the matter is bad. “Marriages that have reached this point can be called toxic: you are no longer a couple.”
4. You are no longer a team
It may sound strange, but it is: in a healthy marriage, both partners work as one team in everything, starting with raising children and domestic turmoil to supporting each other in matters of career and personal ambitions. “If each of you started moving in your separate orbit, or if you no longer work together on routine issues, then this is a sign of a serious problem.”
5. One of the partners continues to be friends with their ex-partner
How to know when your marriage is over? Infidelity is a huge obstacle that is very difficult to overcome. To save the marriage, simply terminating the relationship on the side is not enough. It is impossible to fully survive it if one of the partners remains friends with a former lover or mistress. And it does not matter what he or she thinks about the innocence of their current relationship. “Nothing good will come out of it,” the expert assures.
6. There are no compromises in matters of desires and needs
How do you know when your marriage is over? An essential part of a marriage is to satisfy the needs of your partner, without prejudice to your interests. This is a lifelong dance - to take and give - that requires constant communication. But if your partner constantly refuses to even hear anything about your desires and needs (time, attention, sexual/physical contact, help with children or household chores), or does not want to voice their issues, then this should be quite alarming to you.
7. One of the spouses is systematically cheating
Well, if your partner just doesn’t seem to care about your feelings and constantly cheats on you, no matter what you tell them, then there is no reason to continue on this relationship.
8. You cannot agree on whether to have children or not
In marriage, there are many reasons for finding compromises, for example, who will be responsible for finances, where to go on vacation, or how to solve small family problems. But if one of you knows for sure that they want to have a child, and the second one categorically refuses to have children, then such a relationship is in danger.
If one of you is leaning toward having or not having children, then you can still work on this. But when it comes to a principled position, when for one of the partners a child is an unconditional goal, then such a marriage is likely to break up.
9. You no longer communicate with each other
No problem in marriage can be solved without an open, frank conversation. If all you ever talk about is everyday things, like who is going to buy milk on their way home, then a divorce may well be around the corner. “Lack of personal, intimate communication in marriage is a very bad sign, especially if you are talking to other people.”
10. The decrease in the frequency and quality of intimacy
“If a couple does not have enough interest in sex, and they don’t talk about it and do nothing about it, then they are doomed,” explains Dawn Cardi, a lawyer from Manhattan.
11. Swearing and disputes occur more often than before
Here’s one of the most important signs you need a divorce. According to Lauri Puhn, a New York family lawyer, arguing and verbose accusations will never end. “This happens over and over for the same reasons,” she says. "You argue about the same thing, and the further, the more often. And there is no solution to the problem since this road leads nowhere." The expert notes that the reason for most problems in relationships is insufficient communication. “Everything depends on communication skills and the ability to resolve conflict situations. My research shows that 69% of divorced couples complained of unresolved conflicts that caused a sense of hopelessness.”
12. Excessive planning or spending a lot of time in front of various devices
When is it time to divorce? When no time spent alone with each other – this is a serious indicator that the marriage is in danger. “There is a certain amount of work that needs to be done, but if you seem to be getting further and further from each other every day, then you will eventually break up.”
According to Cardi, if one of the partners seeks to spend as little time as possible with their partner, then the relationship can be considered problematic. “If you don't spend time together, then you have no intimacy,” Cardi says. “You cannot support marriage by communicating with each other by e-mail.”
13. Financial issues
When to divorce? From the point of view of a lawyer, as Cardi says, financial issues can tell a lot about the state of a relationship. “People come to me and say: my husband has changed the bank account information; he transfers the money somewhere else. This is a sign that he is preparing to leave the marriage, and he wants to get a divorce.”
14. Dreams of being alone or finding someone else
When to get a divorce? When you feel like you would much rather be alone. As Cardi notes, this is the most serious sign since such thoughts often happen just before a breakup. “You start to dream about it because everything else no longer gives you hope,” she explains. “You think about what your life would be like if you were not together.” Maybe you don’t want to divorce, you would even like to stay together, but at the same time, you have lost all your illusions about a shared future.
Is It Possible to Save Your Marriage?
Of course, it is, but the main thing to remember here is that you should not be delusional and waste your time with a person you find to be unbearable. What’s the point of being together with someone if you don’t love them and nothing unites you? If an issue is minor and you love your partner – try to fix it, see how dedicated they will be to fix it as well, but if they are not willing to do anything, then you might leave as well because they are not willing to do anything for the sake of your happiness.