“If you could not build a career, then just say that you have chosen a family,” sounds sharp but truthfully. In modern society, there is a stereotype that a family is a ballast for successful career development. Or vice versa: making a career, you, most likely, deprive yourself of a family. However, why career and family cannot be combined? If you are a martyr who has forgotten about their private life and does not see anything except work, or a loser who hides at home without the desire to work, then these are only your problems. An adult man can combine these things. You can be a great worker and a happy family man at the same time. Of course, it happens that you must work harder, but your partner will understand you because you are not hanging out with friends at the bar, but you are doing business. If your girlfriend is “jealous of work” and is constantly outraged by frequent business trips, then she knows nothing about women's struggle between career and family. In addition, she doesn't share your views.
Why Is It Sometimes Hard to Balance Family Life and Career in the Modern World?
When relatively advanced computers appeared in the 80s, and the prospect of Internet development was felt in the air, many people thought that digital technologies would facilitate the workflow, giving people more time for their personal lives. In 20 years, any office doesn’t do without computers. The digital technological revolution did not just happen, but it victoriously marched around the world, covering all areas of activity. However, another huge leap forward in computer technology is still ahead. Today, it’s difficult to imagine life in a developed society without a smartphone or other portable devices that provide Internet access everywhere. And this means that your work accompanies you everywhere at any time of the day, and not only in the office, 8 hours a day. As a result, technologies haven’t just simplified life, but they have also increased the productivity of work, making you choose either career or family.
Home dinner is often combined with business correspondence with the boss. And walking with a girl, you suddenly remember that you have to check your email. This becomes a common thing over time until your life turns into the routine maintenance of your own career. Subsequently, this can lead to burnout and stress. You can avoid this if you find the right balance between work and personal life.
- What does the balance between relationship and career mean?
A man can have different reasons for which the question of career vs family arises. Lack of money and career ambitions are one side of the matter, it is more material, and therefore, more meaningful. However, there is a psychological side as well. Forced workaholism can cause dissatisfaction with personal life. In this case, the cause and effect change places, but the negative effect for the person remains the same. The imbalance between work and life is an irrational shift of priorities. If you too often dilute your personal life with work, then you either organize the workflow incorrectly, and therefore you cannot keep up, or you mistakenly believe that such diligence will bring positive results. In the end, you can both lose your private life and start hating your job. The balance makes it possible to equally appreciate both components of life, work, and pleasure, which aren't mutually excluded, but bring additional meaning.
- What is the main pitfall of balancing career and family?
In our time, high professional employment is no longer perceived as a forced sacrifice. The imbalance between private life and work in favor of the latter one is very popular, and it has become a fashion trend indicating a person’s relevance or success. In addition, many people perceive the interference of work in personal life as the only way to consolidate a high working status and remain competitive in the eyes of their boss. This opinion is mistaken, and it rather resembles an attempt to justify the inept time management or unwillingness to do anything else. In this article, we do not intend to discredit overtime work per se. To work longer than full-time can be useful and even necessary in some cases.
For example, in the initial stage of a career or when managing a complex project. But when it turns into endless filling gaps, then it is more about the wrong approach. Your productivity is unlikely to improve in the workplace if you give yourself a carte blanche for fixing issues at home. In addition, by reducing attention to other aspects of life, you can believe in their lesser importance at some point. If you place in the background, for example, a relationship with your girlfriend, then you will get a negative response. And this will be another erroneous argument of work importance in comparison with personal life.
Career vs. Family: Can There Be Any Preference?
Excessive dedication to their profession is often argued by a popular expression, “Find a career you love, and you'll never work a day in your life.” This statement can be taken for truth with the only amendment that love for work does not exclude the significance of the other areas of life. If your favorite dish is fried chicken, this does not mean that you should forget about all other foods. Other components of your life require no less attention. It is a stroke of great luck to find a favorite job, for which, in addition, you can get good money. However, would you agree on this if you were deprived of other life pleasures? The wisdom is the ability to find a balance when you can combine a career with family. All life consists of the need to make choices and give preferences, for example, at work, when making deals, when communicating with people, and even when choosing a vacation destination with a girlfriend. You can face challenges in any of these cases. The ability to find a compromise determines not only local success but also a comprehensive one, covering the whole life in general.
- What does matter personally to you?
If you feel that the partner is not as important as the successful career, then perhaps, this is just not your soulmate, or you are a careerist for whom love relationships take only second place. This happens in all relationships from time to time, although no one is going to hurt their loved one. For someone, there is nothing more precious in life than learning how to love and be loved in return as well as to celebrate failures together, have sex and make each other laugh. For some men, the feeling of love contributes to success. In other words, the very fact that there is the career vs family question, it probably means that you are not happy in the relationship, and a career is just an excuse to get out of it. Nowadays, if you want, you can find many opportunities to have distance work. The most important work is to bring up good children who will bring you a glass of water in old age.
But, on the other hand, if you are fabulously rich, a servant will bring you everything you want. On the Internet, you can find a huge number of examples that people more often choose a career instead of love, but is it love if they leave their beloved ones so easily?
- What partners should do to balance family life and career?
Spouses can build dizzying careers only if they have strong, trusting relationships. In the modern world, full of different temptations and options, it’s can be hard to do. Nobody can demand from the partner to abandon the favorite work "in the name of" the family. A person with unfulfilled ambitions and desires will never be happy. Such people quietly fade away, poisoning themselves with alcohol, or break up with their "tormentor" to regain their freedom and happiness without them. Both partners should follow the next rules.
- In building a career, all means are good except those that destroy marriage.
- Marriage is a voluntary, equal union, and nobody should make you choose career or family.
- No one is obliged to sacrifice their career for the sake of marriage.
So that your marriage does not fall prey to the egoism of one spouse and the oppressed desires of another one, be very scrupulous in balancing career and family. An ambitious man who cannot imagine his life without work needs to choose a woman who will share his views, appreciate and respect. On your part, there should be complete reciprocity and understanding. Such a marriage can be compared with a team where each player works for a common cause. Everyone shows their individuality and helps the partner to achieve a common goal. Only by acting together, the couple will save love, respect, and strong family ties.
Choosing Career Over Family – Will You End Up Alone?
Of course, if a person is choosing a career over family, then they have serious reasons to do that. Such a choice will be individual for each person, but before you do it, you need to be honest with yourself. What do you want from life: wake up with a beloved person kissing you or awake with the endless calls of your colleagues? A man is arranged that when he has a loving wife and excellent children, then he wants a posh house and to live alone, but when he has such a house, he does not want to go there because he feels lonely there.
For example, professional gamer Douglas Martin (you might know him as FaZe Censor) told to his 2.5 million followers that he broke up with the weather forecaster, celebrity and model Yanet Garcia, to devote more time to his professional career in the computer game Call of Duty. He said about this situation the following, “This is the career I want. I want to win the cup. I want to win the world championship. Of course, I dream of settling down and having children in the future. However, now the only thing I want in my life is to compete in Call of Duty because I really like it. I really love to compete, and I'm going to do my best to become a champion.” Shortly thereafter, Douglas Martin ended his career without winning the cup, was kicked out of the team (apparently for the breakup with such a beautiful woman in favor of games) and was left with nothing. However, at least, he was honest with himself and his girlfriend. So, try to decide what you really want in this life. Of course, there is always a chance to end up alone if you have chosen career over family, but it doesn’t matter how old you are, if you want, you can change the situation dramatically.
Play it by ear
In the end, everything depends on you and your partner: if you are a careerist and your partner always helps and supports you as well as believes in your success and suggests how to act in any given situation, then it’s stupid to leave such a person, even being a careerist. However, if your girlfriend always pokes sticks into spokes, she does not believe in your success, whines and selfishly declares that she wants to be with you 24/7, then you will not build a career even at McDonald's with such a person. Therefore, if you have met a worthy woman, and you feel that she is your soulmate who knows how to read between the lines, then all these doubts and questions will just naturally disappear over time.