The fear of loneliness is the experience which conceals different other fears. The first typical fear is the fear of insecurity, fear in the face of future problems when “everything is piling up, but I can't cope with it; I'm small, and the world is big and scary." The second type of fear is the fear of not being significant for anyone, unclaimed, in the face of the meaninglessness of life.
Usually the feeling of loneliness is a short-term state. For active people, it comes either in moments of fatigue, or in moments when something did not work out suddenly or a difficult life situation happened.
Talking about loneliness is often used to awaken affection. “I am so lonely, everyone left me, everyone betrayed me ...” It is understood that those who hear us won`t leave and not betray but rather sympathize and help. Thus, most of the talk about loneliness is a variant of common manipulation. Behind the feeling of loneliness can stand a variety of things that a person may not be aware of. Fear to act ... Revenging on the one who offended ... Desire to suffer, to attract attention ... Wrong lifestyle, functional or anatomical negative. An experienced psychologist can determine all these circumstances only during personal consultation.
Often, people prove that loneliness includes a variety of problems that they find difficult or do not want to solve on their own. For example, a Ukrainian girl experiences tactile hunger: the body wants activity, touch. How to find a way to solve it? Sign up for a dance, go through a massage course, and thereafter the feeling of loneliness will suddenly pass off.
Habits to combat loneliness
1. Expand the network of acquaintances
You should try equally important way to make contacts, look for acquaintances and meetings with people who are pleasant to you, who maybe will love you. The search for new acquaintances requires some efforts and considerable perseverance. But don't give up. First of all, prepare yourself psychologically, and then, appearing in the right places, ask the right questions without allowing yourself to be lazy. You make your way to success.
2. Normalize your sleeping mode
- Take a warm shower or bath before sleeping.
- Do not have a meal before bedtime (the last meal should 3-4 hours before bedtime).
- In the evenings, take walks, jogs, etc.
- Do not sleep during the day. A short sleep can be the cause of night “tossing” in bed.
- Avoid simulated drinks. Do not drink coffee 6 hours before bedtime.
- Follow the regime, go to bed and wake up at the same time.
- Do not watch TV or sit in front of your computer or tablet before going to bed. Light disrupts the body's natural daily rhythm.
- Do not drink alcohol before bedtime.
- Regular workouts will help you.
3. Access the situation
Loneliness is short-term for most of us. This may be a fleeting feeling experienced after a message from a friend who canceled it at the last minute, or while waiting for a phone call. After a divorce or the death of a loved one, the loneliness is pursued by most people for months and even years. Scientists call loneliness situational for obvious reasons. As the name implies, it is caused by a certain situation, such as a failed date, a quarrel or someone's death. But it happens that the feeling of loneliness does not weaken with time. And then they talk about chronic loneliness. Chronic loneliness means that a person feels lonely regardless of the situation.
4. Always seize the moment
Remember different events of your life such as unforgettable moments from childhood, interesting acquaintances and adventures. Look for the causes of your communication barrier. Have you always been uncommunicative? Have you always had problems interacting with other people? They may have appeared at a certain period of your life. Perhaps there were no special events that could cause your loneliness.
Perhaps the reason for your loneliness depends on people who surround you. If you know the reason for your loneliness well, do not ignore it. Confess yourself and start acting.
5. Do what you like
If you are passionate about some kind of activity, then the feeling of loneliness is weakened, as it is supplanted by this passion. The time spent alone for solving an exciting problem makes you more interesting both for other people and for yourself. The wider your interests are, the more you can share with other people, and the easier it is for you to make contact with them. Of course, many will have a question: what kind of interests are enough to get rid of loneliness? Make a list of things you like to do and you can do alone, and do not forget to use them when you feel lonely. When the next time you become lonely, start to carry out this plan. Having such paper on hands, you, most likely, will not stay at home and suffer.
6. Eliminate distorted notions about yourself and others.
Many lonely people have the wrong idea of themselves and others. The more they indulge in self-analysis and blame themselves, the lower their self-esteem drops and the more difficult it becomes to communicate with others. The more they come up with enemies in the face of others, the higher wall they build between themselves and society.
7. Open yourself to the world
It is human nature to defend. Someone can languish from loneliness inside, but on the outside one can be tough and unfriendly. How can others understand that you need communication? No matter how difficult it is to learn how to smile sincerely at the world, greet your neighbors, find new friends in your work team, on trips, travels, among mothers walking on the playground with children.
8. Re-establish old contacts
We often feel sorry for ourselves and complain about our loneliness, while we forget about our relatives who we have not seen for a long time, we forget to take care of the grandparents, for whom our help is so important. Why we need to look for new friends if there are so many old ones? Maybe you should find a notebook and contact them?
Tips to overcome loneliness
1. Be a good listener
Check what you feel, what your assumptions about the upcoming conversation are, what attitude you have. Ask yourself whether you are ready to listen to this person now. For example, you may think that the last time you were upset by a conversation with this person. Put your assumptions aside. Each time it can be different, and you should not program yourself in advance. Enter the conversation with pure perception.
Pay attention to the non-verbal signs that you give to your interlocutor. You listen not only with your ears, but with your whole body. And other people automatically perceive it. Look in your interlocutor’s eyes, put the phone aside, turn off the TV, check what position your body takes. If you really have no time to listen to a person right now, tell when you have time.
If it becomes very difficult for you to withstand this conversation take a break. It is better to return to painful or difficult topics one more time than to make a real mess of things under the influence of negative emotions.
2. Don't judge others
We often make up our opinions or judgments about other people, almost without realizing it. There are people who understand this and, moreover, they like it, because this is how they improve their self-esteem and feel more significant. However, for whatever reason, we do not have the slightest right to judge anyone. Most people often do not notice their mistakes, instead they tend to find and point out the mistakes of others. It is very important to realize that no one is perfect, and we all make mistakes. Before you criticize someone else's actions, consider whether these actions are really harmful. Maybe other people have strong motives to do what they do.
3. Be realistic about your expectations
Try to put yourself into the mind of another person, and then it will be quite easy to understand what is possible to demand from someone and what is impossible. This ability to switch roles with another and to look at oneself through the eyes of another is a sign of worldly wisdom and flexibility of thinking. Reflecting on their grievances over time, the perception of others will become more realistic. Infantilism and egocentrism consist precisely in the inability to accept the other’s point of view on the role and on the specific situation.
4. Contact others first
First, you need to remove the existing psychological barriers. From the very beginning, we expect others to do something. We are getting ready for someone to try to influence us. Because of this, caution is increased, and all actions and statements are carefully monitored. In order to level these barriers, it is necessary to agree periodically with the interlocutor, showing that you respect one`s point of view, thus removing the contradictions. As a rule, a person, seeing that you agree with their position, will begin to agree with yours. In addition, to start a conversation, you need to choose some kind of neutral topic, which will allow you to move gradually to what you worry about. Now you can begin to look for similar interests and points of contact with the interlocutor. This will be the beginning of the stage of rapprochement between you.
In addition, it is worth noting that the success of establishing a contact can be greatly influenced by your character and the person who you communicate with. In order for everything to be successful, you must demonstrate goodwill, openness, sincerity, politeness, initiative. However, the character traits are not enough. It is also necessary to get rid of negative psychological attitudes towards the upcoming conversation. A pre-formed negative belief will prevent you from communicating with a person.
5. Don't compare yourself with others
Each of us is unique, so any comparison is unfair. Your gifts, talents, successes and achievements fully correspond to what you came to this world for. Therefore, they cannot be compared with what others are doing.
Comparing, you will not win anything but lose a lot. For example: your pride, self-esteem, enthusiasm and excitement. The comparison is endless. There is always something or someone to compare yourself with. The comparison is aimed at the wrong person. You can manage only your life. Comparing ourselves with others, we spend valuable energy and invest in others what we have to invest in ourselves. Comparison leads to insults. Comparisons make it difficult to rejoice. They do not add value, meaning, or joy to life. They just take it all away.
6. Make some changes in your life
Every day, you open up yourself again. You are always on the move. But every day, you decide exactly where you are moving: forward or backward. You need a mentor, otherwise, you will go to the bottom. Someone has to show you how to move and breathe.
- Do not worry if nothing fascinates you.
- Take care of your health. Start with it.
- Take small steps. You do not need passion to succeed. Do your business with love, and success will become a natural symptom.
- Make interesting decisions, and you will have an interesting biography.
Loneliness allows us to comprehend our life experience and often stimulates us to search for interesting and meaningful communication. It is after a period of loneliness that we begin to value friendship or love relationships more and more. We become less demanding and more tolerant towards our partner. We can say that loneliness teaches us wisdom and love. We begin to live fully and happily not only when we fight for some changes in our lives or desperately change ourselves but also when we know how to love ourselves as we are and accept life as it really unfolds. It is important to choose what you like, loneliness or family, with dignity to accept what you get, to have confidence in your choice, not to despair, not to experience an inferiority complex and to strive for harmony in your life.