How Long to Date Before Moving in Together
Those who move in together in less than a year after meeting each other are either people that have been caught by a wave of passion or those who are completely devoid of romance: when both need to have a family and they don’t want to wait. The hotter the love is at the very beginning of the relationship, the more likely it is that the marriage will not last long, psychologists say. These people are moving in together too soon. On the other hand, couples who choose not to delay the wedding because they managed to find what they were looking for in each other live a long and happy family life. Of course, if this is indeed the case, and they do not engage in self-deception. So, how long should you date before moving in together?
From one to three years. These are people who, as a rule, are self-confident, balanced and at the same time not obsessed with having a family, whatever the cost. They approach the marriage wisely: before making a final decision, they need to check their feelings and make sure if it’s the right choice to move in together and eventually marry. According to psychologists, it is these couples who build strong family relationships.
More than three years. Lovers of freedom and entertainment, preferring to communicate with friends, travel and visit clubs, they don’t want to be controlled. The other group is those who are not in a hurry with moving forward because they have had sad experiences in the past. Unfortunately, the implacable statistics shows that couples who delay moving in together and subsequent marriage get divorced more quickly than others. Psychologists say that such a long period of time without moving a relationship forward is often caused by an ambivalent attitude toward living together, uncertainty and indecision of partners.
However, the chances for well-being in such a marriage are increased if the partners were familiar from childhood, made a career together, etc. Speaking of age. One cannot forget about it in the matters of “dating”. For if the couple started their relationship at 15 (which is now a natural thing), then, whatever psychologists, astrologers and all sorts of statistics say, they won’t last long. Young people do not last together. Yet some can admit to themselves and to those around them that he/she is not ready for either family or children at 35, and someone at 25 will assume this responsibility with confidence. Life priorities, goals, upbringing, education, environment, and much more - all this affects the “wedding” age of each individual person, his or her readiness for family life.
It is probably more important that moving in before marriage should be a mutual desire, a new step in the development of relations, and how long each individual couple will go to this level depends solely on ... a particular couple, their desires, aspirations, and views on life.
Questions to Ask Before Moving in Together
Do you agree to develop with me?
Life does not stand still, circumstances change rapidly and it is necessary to keep pace with these changes. When moving in together before marriage, your future spouse should be aware that you are not going to lock yourself in the four walls, devoting yourself exclusively to work or culinary arts. Sooner or later, after moving in with your girlfriend or boyfriend, you will want to get out of a cozy family nest into the light, plunge into self-development, achieving some heights, in the end, to feel meaningful not only in a joint apartment but in the big world too. So, the question of whether your loved one is ready to grow with you, or at least not to hinder your personal growth, is of paramount importance. And then, after all, moving in is not the end of you being an independent personality. You, like your beloved, are obliged to continue to develop and try to fulfill your own dreams.
Will we stick together during difficult times?
As you know, life is like a zebra, so the white line will certainly change to black, the question is how soon it will happen. Each of us needs to know that if we find ourselves in a difficult situation, our loved one will remain at our side and will support us. Otherwise, by and large, why is he/she even needed? If this is true love, no difficulties should prevent you from being together; on the contrary, problems only bring together those who truly love each other. But the question is: is your partner ready for difficulties? Does he/she agree to share with you not only joy and success?
Are you ready to give up some things in favor of the relationship?
Since childhood, the word “love” has been associated with care for relatives and friends, for our beloved dog or a toy. And it is very difficult at times to switch to feelings for the opposite sex. In childhood, love was unselfish. We were loved for what we are and did not demand anything in return. And having matured, we understand that in our life we need to sacrifice something for the sake of love. Personal time, habits or style. However, when love is mutual, all our sacrifices become justified. To save your marriage, you need to be able to correctly prioritize things. No, this does not mean that immediately after you move in with your bags, you will certainly have to say goodbye to friends, hobbies, and everything that you loved before.
Things to Talk About Before Moving in Together
When someone in a couple gathered his/her strength and voiced the desire to live together, there comes a series of discussions and revelations. In life, a loved one is not the same as on a date. There are certain relationship changes after moving in together. But what to discuss before moving in together? Ask your partner to describe their habits, and in response, describe your own. This includes the daily routine, morning, breakfast, the love of listening to loud music, time for computer games, yoga classes three times a week, culinary passions. Tell frankly that you do not like or do not know how to cook, but for the sake of it you will try to master a couple of tasty simple dishes.
Discuss categorically unacceptable things, as relationship problems after moving in together are inevitable. The duration of a bath or shower in the morning, open toothpaste tubes, hair on a comb, walking around the apartment in shorts, leaving mugs on the desktop, disgust to take out the garbage. Talk about household chores.
Tips for Couples Moving in Together
There are some practical tips for moving in together, they are very important to those, who are bad at adapting to new things, also, these advice for couples moving in together will be helpful for those who are moving abroad.
1) First and the most important moving in together advice. If you make a detailed plan or a list of tasks that you plan to do after moving in with your significant other, do not forget to put in some time for rest and solving unforeseen situations. Things can go wrong at the most unexpected moment. For example, both of my moves were accompanied by technical problems: during the first, my computer almost immediately broke down (and it was needed for work, study and life in general), and during the second, there was no Wi-Fi in a rented apartment. This kind of trouble turns the fulfillment of the most trivial task into a difficult quest, which invariably leads to fatigue and irritation, and, as a result, to big disappointments.
2) Do not dump problems on one pile. This advice is universal and applicable not only when moving in with a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Because it often happens that everything around seems like one continuous dark spot. It is necessary to look for an apartment and a job, sign dozens of random documents, get used to a new way of life, and all this does not include daily minor issues - from feelings of discomfort due to the new bed, to finding new routes to work. All this at some point leads to despair, and it seems that you will never solve this puzzle - as it is impossible to solve an equation in which absolutely all the components are unknown.
Here, approaching things one by one will be helpful. Separate the problems: what needs to be solved urgently, what can be postponed for several days, and what can be pushed away until you figure out everything else. Sometimes anxiety does not allow you to do this, and you want to fix everything at once, but in some cases, this can lead to nothing at all. Therefore, it is useful to literally prohibit multitasking.
3) In situations of anxiety about moving in together, a feeling of powerlessness and loss of control over your life may arise. This is natural when all your plans are violated due to unforeseen circumstances. It is useful to regain the feeling that your life still belongs to you. With a few exceptions, you can always control two areas: your well-being and relationships with loved ones. Watch your diet, do not forget to sleep enough, do not ignore the symptoms of fatigue, maintain an adequate level of physical activity. Keep in touch with close friends who are far away, for example, send actual postcards: by giving such a small gift and writing warm words, you will raise their spirits and yours as well.
4) When moving in with your partner, remind yourself why you need all this. The most unpleasant thing is when, at the moment of crisis after the move, you forget why you ended up here at all. And then, of course, any motivation disappears, because it seems that for some reason you have doomed yourself to senseless and unnecessary suffering. I want to turn around and go home, "back to my mother." It is important to clearly state the reason for which all this is being done. For example: “Here I can get a better education”, “Here are more opportunities to succeed in my profession”, “The traffic is better” or even “The district is nice". You can post stickers with reminders around the apartment highlighting the advantages of your moving to another place or a city - this will help create a good support in mastering the new city.
5) Be a tourist. And now, the last of our tips for couples moving in together. It often happens that having moved to a new place, a person plunges into the cycle of everyday problems and does not have time to look around. It is a common thing that we turn down some opportunities or passions of ours because they are far away from our home. Now, if you have moved to a new district, city, maybe even a country, look around and find new things for yourself.