Difference between married and unmarried life
By tying yourself to another person through marriage, you show that you are ready to remain faithful to your partner and think ahead, not to mention a radical change in lifestyle. And, of course, in order to live side by side with the same person every day, you need to be patient and diplomatic. Whatever changes happen to a person during a marriage, this question has interested everyone for so long, because every year millions of people put rings on their fingers.
It's not a surprise that many people get married after getting acquainted through the Internet. Online dating is a priority way to find a match, especially nowadays.
Compared with those who have just had a wedding, the divorced show increased extraversion and openness. Newly-wedded men, by contrast, demonstrated an advantage over their divorced peers, becoming more conscious and less nervous. Increased consciousness among married men seems logical. Anyone who was married (or had a long-term relationship) knows that certain skills are needed to keep the marriage ship afloat in the mutable domestic waters. Of course, these skills are improved in marriage.
The two most important skills in marriage are self-control (when a person can bit one’s tongue in time so as not to poison relationships) and the ability to forgive (you can forget and forgive your partner's mistakes, even when he or she drops clothes on the floor or flirts with someone).
What about contentment with life? The research provided the most important evidence on how the happiness index changes after marriage. Of course, this is only a general picture, and there are quite a few exceptions. We often say that a certain person can become a good husband or wife (while others seem to be more suitable for a bachelor life), and it can be assumed that how marriage changes a person’s life depends on a particular person.
For some people, marriage seems to provide a long and permanent state of happiness: in particular, more conscious, introverted women and more extroverted men show a significant increase in life satisfaction after the wedding - because the family lifestyle matches these personality types. In general, studies show that marriage does lead to personality changes. But this is nothing compared with the present revolution in consciousness, which occurs due to the event that often follows the wedding - the appearance of children.
Such an abrupt change can depend on two reasons. The first is that the man has already reached the right age for marriage and it is time to start a family. The second reason is more romantic - he met the girl with whom he wants to live the whole life. The time will come, and meetings with friends will stop bringing him as much joy as before. He will begin to wish that someone was waiting for him at home, and preferably with a hot dinner. And then he will understand that he no longer needs the freedom he was afraid to lose.
Right and wrong reasons to get married
All people are different, each of us has our own values, views on life, circumstances, hence the motives for entering a married life are different.
The following motives can be distinguished:
- forced circumstances;
- physiological needs;
- spiritual intimacy;
- prejudice and psychological problems.
Love is the most common motive for making your relationship official. Very often, love is confused with having a crush, when a partner is idealized. Love can last long enough, but during this time the couple has time to conclude an alliance, the success of which depends on whether love will grow into mature love. Love implies sober thinking and an adequate assessment of your chosen one.
As statistics shows, the unions of convenience are strong enough. This is due to the fact that many problems that other couples face in such a union simply do not arise. Material independence allows you to devote more time to building harmonious relations, joint rest and pastime.
What are the wrong reasons to get married?
Successful marriage is just not possible when you don`t take into consideration the following reasons to tie the knot:
The first reason is the so-called “shotgun wedding” that is quite common in our time. And here's the bad luck: it’s time to go to the registrar and make a big fatal mistake, because even though people made a child, they don’t love each other, there was only passion and sexual attraction (eros) and that was all. Of course, such a marriage is initially doomed to failure. If a child was born, then it is better for both parents to take care of him or her without a wedding than to live with an unloved person just because of the child.
The second reason is profit. When girls and boys in marriage pursue some of their selfish interests. For example, a rich husband, unfortunately, is a fairly common situation. Of course, nothing good comes out of it. The next reason is when people get married because of passion, at the stage of being in love, which later never turns into love. Therefore, it is very important to be able to distinguish between love and infatuation. Or it even happens that people agree only because they are very good in bed, and then, when the intimate amber light goes out, both partners suddenly realize that they have nothing to talk about.
Another common reason is when a man is subconsciously looking for a mother in his future wife (or vice versa, when a woman is looking for a father).
In no case should you marry to forget your previous unhappy love, to prove something to someone, to annoy. You should not get married to become “independent”, to break away from the attention of parents.
Things you need to know before marriage
1. Communication is the main thing
One of the best ways to find out if your relationship can stand the test of time is to pay attention to how you talk to each other. It's very easy not to tell your partner what you really feel for fear of hurting him. But it can seriously affect your relationship. You both need to have a clear and easy way to share your thoughts, concerns, opinions and complaints with each other.
2. Physical chemistry
It is either overvalued or underestimated. But it is very important in a relationship. For example, if attachment and physical intimacy are important to you, but your partner is less interested in this, this may create problems in the future. You just will not be satisfied with your intimate life. After all, physical intimacy goes beyond sex, it is a way of connecting with a person and an expression of love for him or her in a mental, spiritual and emotional way. The key for you is to have a similar perspective regarding sex with your chosen one and the natural chemistry between you.
3. Share the partner's opinion on parenting and the importance of the family
Everything is individual when it comes to starting a family, so you need to find out all the details about how your partner sees your family life before marriage. If you want to have children, discuss with your soul mate the style of their upbringing or how you see your future family. See if your views coincide. If you have different ideas about the family, pause the relationship. Children really bring joy into your life, but if you do not share your partner’s views on the family, expect difficult relationships. Vague views on what should be a family life is one of the most common causes of divorce.
4. Share interests and purposes for the future
People who have much in common have longer and more successful marriage. At first, this may seem unimportant, but, in consequence, different characters, goals in life and interests can be a source of contention. Do you like to travel? And your partner? You must not like the same things, but if you share common interests, it will help strengthen your relationship.
Money and your attitude towards them is extremely important in a relationship. Look for someone who shares your opinion in budgeting and making plans for the future.
Ask your partner how they manage their finances. Discuss how you will manage your overall budget, debts, financial obligations, etc. Debts and the inability to spend money rationally may indicate a discrepancy between your views on spending or a partner’s lack of responsibility.
Unfortunately, these traits can be transferred to your relationship. Money and its management often become one of the main reasons why couples break up.
Things every couple should do before marriage
1. Go on a joint journey
If you have never gone anywhere together, then it's time to book tickets. You will see genuine emotions and the natural behavior of your partner when you change the scenes. Also, stressful situations are very indicative.
2. Discuss the life views of each other
Religion, political beliefs, family model, priorities - these are the moments that will require a compromise from each of you. It is not necessary to agree with your partner on everything, but each of you must respect the views of each other.
3. Talk about money
For some reason, many consider it inconvenient to discuss this aspect of future family life. But this is a very important component of it, because of which quite a lot of families break up. How your family budget will be built, what expenses you plan, whether someone can work from home.
4. Speak about children
Talking about children is even more important than about money. Do both of you want children and if yes, how many? Entering into marriage, many believe that they will convince their soul mate on this matter. As a rule, this does not lead to anything good.
5. Live together
Today, almost two-thirds of young people who marry have lived together before. And it is right! Joint life allows not only to save money and learn each other's habits, but also to check how comfortable these two people are under the same roof.
6. Meet close people of your beloved
Family and social circle can say a lot about a person. If you have the time and opportunity to build and maintain good relations with close people of your partner, this will benefit both of you.