Even if you do not have sex, it is always invisibly present in your life. For example, you will not be able to make a blockbuster unless there are two attractive heroes of different sexes in it. Many advertisements, which you see every day, use sex appeal to convince people to buy their goods. It doesn’t matter whether it is a brand of liqueur, a car or a means for personal care.
However, about one percent of the population is asexual. Yes, these people can have sex, but it is just a mechanical process for them. They do not feel excitement or sex drive at the sight of other people. As a result, a huge part of human experience is simply inaccessible to them. Asexual people can fall in love, and their relationship can be quite strong. Nonetheless, creating a semblance of normal relationships takes a lot of time and is very difficult to do. In the movie, you can often see the relationship between two attractive sexy people. They are shown there because producers know that your brain will do the rest. However, an asexual viewer considers such films with love stories meaningless and boring. It’s high time to answer the question, “What does it mean to be asexual?”
What is an asexual person?
An asexual person is someone who does not see the need for sex. What does asexual mean? It is important to distinguish asexuality from celibacy, which is religious abstinence before the wedding, or a conscious decision to refuse sex for ethical or any other reasons. Unwillingness to have sex can be dictated by depression, post-traumatic disorder, and other mental problems. People who want sex and get pleasure from it suffer from low libido, for example, due to lack of testosterone. Asexual people have normal hormonal indicators, and in general, they are mentally healthy. Simply put, their main difference is that a person who has health problems suffers from the inability to have sex, while an asexual man does not care about it at all. So, what is asexual?
This word tells about someone without sexual feelings or associations. Many asexual people jokingly compare sex with a cake, which has already become the unofficial symbol of the community. Just imagine that one person just adores sweets, another one eats them from time to time, while others loathe them. An asexual person says, “Sex? No thanks, I'd rather eat a piece of cake.” This theme is actively played up in themed memes.
Is it wrong to be asexual?
Asexuality is studied surprisingly little, but one of the studies proves that asexual people are capable of erection in response to a certain stimulation, like all healthy people.
They may even experience orgasms, but they don’t get emotional satisfaction. Some asexual men enjoy masturbation, but they do not use images of beautiful women and can feel awkward about watching porn. Formally, asexuality is still considered a hypoactive sexual desire disorder, which, in turn, is included on the lists of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in the USA. However, the main local activist organization of asexual people AVEN (Asexuality Visibility and Education Network) is actively struggling against this statement. Who has come up with norms, which don’t correspond to the fact that all people are different? There is nothing wrong with being asexual till you don’t suffer from that.
Asexual people agree that they do not face such discrimination as, for example, the LGBT community. Usually, other people just don’t believe them, and they are advised to wait for true love, change their partners or sex positions. In a world where mass culture is hypersexualized, and romance is inextricably connected with sex and is considered more important than everything else, asexual people might feel uncomfortable.
How to become asexual?
To tell the truth, life without sex is not an unusual thing. However, there are people, especially it’s about young ones, who are attracted to such a situation, and some of them even like to ascribe “interesting” disorders to themselves. They behave as if they try on new clothes and decide on the level of comfort. Hence, when a person thinks about how to become asexual, it’s necessary to find out why they want to do that? Is it about a new tendency, quirk or an asexual beloved one?
Nonetheless, the fact is that this state is innate, not acquired. Nobody can become asexual "on request." If a person with a normal sexual orientation tries their best to become asexual, it will be nothing more than violence against their own personality. The desire of many people to adhere to sexual abstinence has nothing in common with asexuality.
It doesn’t matter how progressive our society is, if you don’t look like others, you will be perceived as a foreign body. If someone doesn’t have sexual drive, people perceive that as a serious abnormality, which potentially can be treated. Everyone wants to know the answer to the question, “Do asexual people have sex?” People who are in the asexual relationships claim that due to the pressure of society, they have to imitate the presence of sexual experience, have sex and just keep quiet about their proclivities. It is easier and safer. Few of them are trying to be treated because of partners’ demands. The rest is good.
So, while some people dream about dating an asexual, other ones suffer from such a relationship and believe that an asexual partner is a real punishment for sins committed in a previous life. However, personal relationships differ, and some people tend to consider rudeness and inattention of a partner as a manifestation of asexuality, but it is not correct. In fact, such a partner is likely to be tender, attentive, and caring, but they will not seek sexual intimacy.
Is there a sign equally between the words asexual and single?
Asexuality shows how people are all focused on sex. If they stop praising only those relationships which include romance and sex, then they will be able to reconsider the concept of “lonely person.” If people transfer some of the emotional forces to friendship, colleagues and like-minded people, they will become more open to each other and begin to get rid of social stereotypes. Ideally, people should stop treating their sexuality as something static, and accept that its intensity depends on many factors, and they shouldn’t be shy about “not having sex” or doing too much of it.
One of the most popular questions on the asexual forums is, “Will I always be single?” Activists consider this a big problem, which leads to depression. However, it is necessary to understand that asexual people don’t like sex, but they like people. Graysexual people face little fewer problems because their relationship is more like the usual ones and include everything that is called the foreplay. Nonetheless, they also say that it is incredibly difficult to build relationships because they often have to make compromises. Relationships with other asexual people do not cause problems, but it can take years to search for a partner if you don’t know special dating sites.
Where to look for an asexual partner?
Those who have realized their asexuality do not always live carelessly. Nowadays, sex is elevated to a cult, and society is often not ready to accept asexual people. To support each other, they create online portals, groups on social media, forums, websites, and communities, the biggest of which is AVEN. Communities of like-minded people learn to perceive the world obsessed with sex without stress, help get together and share pressing problems as well as find the right partner.
By the way, asexual people often fall in love and create families as well as give birth to children. Asexual people have an international dating site, acebook.net, and a service for those who, instead of sex, need just “hugs” cuddlecomfort.com. Nonetheless, outside the specialized forums, asexual people prefer to hide their orientation since asexuality is even more difficult to explain than homosexuality.
How to know if you’re asexual?
To understand whether a person is asexual, you need to turn to the psychological aspects and characteristics of their personality. Science defines the concept of asexuality as the complete absence or extremely weak sexual desire. Men and women in this category have distinctive features in comparison with other people who have a non-standard attitude towards the sexual drive. So, what is an asexual person?
- A person who has a complete absence or lowered need for sexual intercourse, which is not related to moral revulsion and not dependent on the person themselves.
- Asexuality does not mean physical inability to commit sexual intercourse.
- As a rule, it does not bring either physical or psychological discomfort until a person faces an excessive pressure on the part of other people.
- Asexuality has nothing to do with impotence (in men) or frigidity (in women). These people just have their own special view on sex.
- Today, all asexual people are conditionally divided into two groups: those who categorically reject sex and do not see any need or meaning in it, and those who are ready to have sex with a partner, but purely for procreation.
However, when sexual desire is present, how to tell if someone is asexual?
- If you are a man, you can feel liking for some women without a sexual attraction to them.
- You can feel sexual attraction very rare, maintaining a normal domestic relationship with a partner.
- You can feel the desire to have sex only with those people with whom there is a strong emotional and positive connection.
- As a rule, asexual people have warm feelings for their partners, but they do not see the need for constant sexual relationships.
Famous asexual people
Most people prefer not to tell about their sexual orientation, especially if it differs from the accepted standards. However, there are some exceptions to that rule. These people don’t afraid to be different from the majority.
Paula Poundstone. This woman is quite a famous comedian, who defines herself as a person who simply doesn't enjoy sex and finds this theme very uninteresting. She claims that she doesn’t do what she doesn’t like. The non-sex lifestyle provides her with more free time, and this is just a bonus for her.
H.P. Lovecraft. Lovecraft is a famous horror writer, whose works have influenced many other writers of this genre. He didn’t have sex before marriage, and his lack of interest in sex embarrassed his wife, but it couldn’t be helped.
Janeane Garofalo. It’s quite brave to tell about one’s own asexuality from the stage, and this comedian does it, identifying herself as asexual in her stand-ups. She claims that it’s not about the fear of intimacy, it is about a total lack of interest in this activity. In one of her interviews, she said that sometimes, people confuse her for being gay, but it’s okay.