You might have noticed that we are living in the fast-developing era. We have become obsessed with fast career growth, personal independence and success, and sometimes we don’t even notice how seasons change outside the window. We want everything here and now. This applies to romantic relationships as well. Fast love: this is how we can describe our relationships today. People don’t have time for long courtship and other remnants of the Puritan past. Thus, you meet a beautiful girl on a dating site, ask her out on a date, start living together in a week and, if everything is okay, you are ready to propose in 3 months. And if you don’t like something, you just get back to dating scene and search further.
For many people, dating apps have become the main place for meeting potential partners. Sometimes, they even go on dates with different people on the same day, as if they are in a huge store, choosing "goods." One day, having chosen the “right” partner while dating online, a man can wake up and think something like, “My relationship is moving too fast.” At this point, you may suddenly want to slow down, analyze everything and stop moving at the speed of light. It’s not always good when a relationship is moving too fast since its rapid development can lead rather to the collapse than a long-lasting happy marriage.
Here Are Some Reasons Why Relationships Move Too Fast Sometimes
You will hardly meet a person who doesn’t dream of meeting their soulmate, a loyal and reliable companion and like-minded partner. As they say, “A human needs a human.” Loneliness is a great thing only to a certain extent, and when you cross the line and overdo it, it stops bringing satisfaction but leads to suffering and self-doubts. At some point, a person can become obsessed with searching for a partner, and when they meet a woman who at least somehow meets their requirements and has alike tastes, they may find themselves thinking, “My new relationship is moving too fast, and I don’t know what to do.” Thus, being in a hurry toward the main goal, people tend to spur the development of romantic relationships, forgetting that this is still a two-way street, and rushing things is unreasonable and unproductive. So, what are the main reasons why she or he is moving too fast relationship?
1. You are afraid of being alone
People do many weird things because of their hidden fears and doubts. Sometimes, they don’t even realize the true root cause that makes them act in a certain way. And if you are afraid of loneliness, then having met a suitable partner (and sometimes even unsuitable), you are trying to do your best to save this relationship. You might be afraid that if your relationships don’t become committed in the nearest future, they will leave you. Besides, the fact that you believe this person is your soulmate, can make you hurry up and serve as a trigger as if you have entered a store and seen the last day of a huge sale.
2. There is a hormonal cocktail in your veins
Everyone knows that when we meet an attractive person who suits us in a way, we have a crush on them and feel high thanks to the increase of pleasure hormones in our blood. So, a hormonal cocktail in your veins that consists of dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin makes you bond to the person as fast as you can. You feel too good, being next to the person, so you want to “preserve” this state and spend your free time with them. You feel as if you are drunk, and it is not surprising one day you might notice your relationship moving too fast emotionally.
3. You know how to be only in committed relationships
Different people treat dating differently, and if someone can treat this process with lightness, enjoying casual relationships, other people have always chosen serious relationships, so they don’t know how to behave otherwise. When you have been in exclusive relationships for a long period, you are used to this model, it is all you know. So, when your previous relationship is over, and you get back to the dating scene, you continue to treat every new relationship too seriously as if they necessarily lead to marriage. You don’t feel like relationship is moving too fast because being in committed relationships is your comfort zone.
4. You may feel external pressure
Even though everyone is talking about the necessity to respect the personal boundaries of other people, usually close relatives forget about that and continue to impose their opinions. Thus, young people who have reached a certain age, often face external pressure on the part of their families. They are reminded about biological clock and urgency to create families and give birth to the offspring. So, you may subconsciously feel obliged to start committed relationships and leave a dating scene. Besides, you can see how your friends change their marital status while you remain a “loser” for being still single.
5. You might be tired of dating
When you end up a toxic relationship, you feel lightness and great inspiration, you heal your wounds and want to have casual relationships. You don’t want anything serious but just communicate with new interesting people, hang out with friends and go on endless dates. However, over time, when unpleasant memories are completely left in the past, you may feel a tremendous desire to enter committed relationships because you have already tired of dating. Anyway, it’s a time-consuming thing that requires efforts and energy, so at one point or another, you may feel a need to settle down.
Is Your Relationship Moving Too Fast: 12 Sure Signs
If one makes a conditional rating of the main reasons for going to a psychologist, then, of course, relationship issues will be on the top. Quarrels, problems, breakups, betrayals are among issues of living together. Everyone has their own story. But, interestingly, when causation is determined, many of the wrong steps turn out to be very similar.
So, you meet a beautiful woman, your hormones dance a passionate tango, emotions are extremely vivid and bright, you may even feel butterflies in the stomach that make you ignore all the possible signs relationship is moving too fast. Building a relationship between a man and a woman is an interesting process that goes through certain stages of development. And each couple has a different way. There are no clear boundaries for some of them, so they go with the flow, while others adhere to certain principles. So, what does it mean when a relationship is moving too fast? How do you know when a relationship is moving too fast? Let’s look at the main signs.
1. You have just broken up with your ex-partner
This is obvious: if you end up a long-term relationship and are looking for love just because you are single again, this is undoubtedly a sign that you should not rush. You can meet a person who suits you in different ways and feel a great relief that you don’t need to search further, so you can try to skip some stages of the development of your relationships. However, the fear of loneliness can lead you to different issues and cause disappointment later. If you have just got through a breakup, you should start with healing your emotional wounds, successfully transforming isolation into loneliness, which are fairly close states. Finally, it gives you a surefire way to find out whether you are ready to start a new relationship. You should want to go through all the stages of a relationship, but not feel the need for it due to fear of loneliness.
2. You are constantly chatting
If you are constantly worried about the messages that you have got, "There are without emoticons, but a period at the end of the sentence. Should I worry?" Or you watch your partner’s activity through messages and social networks, then it’s too early for you to build a relationship with them. If you require to respond you immediately, it can be problematic, for example, when you try to interpret a person’s tone via a message. If their way of composing messages hurts or annoys you, you should talk about it. If after this conversation nothing changes, then the relationship will lead to nothing.
3. You trust them for no reason
Of course, trust is a foundation of a happy and healthy relationship, but it cannot appear at once. You can think, “They didn’t give me reason to not trust them, so why should I be paranoid?” and want to tell them all your secrets. However, you should look at the situation from the other side: trust is what you need to earn. The fact that you haven’t caught them on cheating doesn’t mean that they are 100% loyal and trustworthy person. If you haven’t gone through different situations that help you understand, “This is exactly the person I need and trust no matter what,” then what kind of trust can you talk about? If you base only on words, it will not lead to anything good.
4. You have exchanged love words but still know little about each other
Their name, age and favorite hobby form a basic set of knowledge, but this information doesn’t mean anything. Do you know what their favorite color is? What are their plans for life? Do your values match? Why did their past relationship end? If you have just started your relationships, but you have already made love confession, this is how to tell if a relationship is moving too fast. It’s not a reason to consider your relationship ideal and serious if you haven’t been living together for a year at least.
5. You do not have time for yourself
If earlier, you were fond of football, hanged out with friends on Friday and visited a gym every second day, then now you cannot find time to meet with friends or devote time to hobbies. You have replaced “I” with “we.” Now only “you” have plans that don’t include your previous activities. Besides, if you have been dating only for several months, but a girl calls you 20 times a day to find out where you are and what you are doing, then it’s a clear sign that your relationships are moving at a light speed. You risk finding yourself in a toxic relationship.
6. You are trying to adjust
Every time you start dating a new girl, you boldly and radically change the image, hobbies and preferences. Your unpredictability of interests is a favorite topic among your friends. But frankly speaking, you don’t like all these experiments. You are just looking for a potential spouse. Starting a new relationship, you are trying to study a woman’s preferences, interests and determine what image will attract her attention and show her that you are an ideal man. So, you pretend instead of looking for a person who will be suitable for you. It seems you forget that any relationship is a union of people with common goals and values. Therefore, even betraying yourself a little at the very beginning, you no longer allow knowing each other and understanding whether it is worth going further together.
7. You keep silent about your needs and ignore them
Sincerity and openness are generally important things in the life of every couple. Therefore, it is useful to use them as a foundation from the very beginning. And this does not mean that you should tell in great detail about all your problems, worries and difficult turns of fate from the very first meetings. However, talking about your feelings is very useful, as well as being attentive to what the other person thinks and feels. If something is unpleasant for you, it is better to discuss it calmly and without complaints. It’s easy for mature and confident people to agree, find a compromise and make sure that they are comfortable together. And dialogue, as you know, promotes mutual understanding.
8. You think your partner is perfect
If you have a crush on a beautiful girl who likes your favorite TV series and adores video games, it doesn’t mean that she will become your perfect life partner. The foundation of healthy relationships consists of respect, mutual feelings and alike values and life goals. If you believe she is amazing and perfect, having found out a little about her personality, it means your relationship is moving too fast. When you are overwhelmed with passion, you may not notice the flaws that will play a big role in your incompatibility, and life together.
9. You forget yourself in a relationship
When we are obsessed with an idea to start a committed relationship, we can put on pink-colored glasses. There is nothing wrong with thinking that the little whims of your loved one are charming, but you shouldn’t turn a blind eye to important differences in your value system. Each of you contributes to the relationship. Therefore, it is inevitable to have differences from a political or religious point of view, in the education of children or the distribution of household duties. Are you idealizing your partner and their opinions, belittling yours? If yes, then you know the answer to the question, “Is your relationship moving too fast?”
10. You have already talked about living together
If you met on a dating site two weeks ago, had a date on the last week and discussed the perspective of living together right away, then you should better slow down a bit. It’s great that you have met an interesting person who evokes a desire to wake up daily in the same bed and move to the next stage of relationships. However, unfortunately, living together can be harmful to you: studies show that the risk of divorce and disagreement increases among couples who start living together before they build a strong connection with each other.
11. You ignore red flags
When you are overwhelmed with passion and desire to be with a person no matter what, you can turn a blind eye to red flags in your relationships. You may start thinking that all these tantrums on the part of a partner are their way to express feelings and bright emotions. In such a case, quarrels and incompatibility can be mistaken for passionate nature of your relationships. Reconciliatory sex is wonderful, but if you turn it into a habit, then you should ask yourself how good everything is and where the relationship is going. And if your partner wants children, while you have different plans, it’s a reason to stop and think about the development of your relationships.
12. You forget about friends
Before this very meeting, you had so many friends and interests, and now your world has narrowed to one single person. You believe she is ideal; you are happy with her and want to tell the whole world about your happiness. However, you stop hanging out with friends, and it’s even difficult to meet over a cup of coffee because you want to spend all your free time with your beloved woman. You should be very careful and remember that close friends are almost a family that you have chosen. You shouldn’t focus only on a new partner. After all, who will support you in a difficult moment if you break up?
How to Fix This Situation?
You shouldn’t rush things because your relationship must go through all the crucial stages of its development. Otherwise, there is a chance that your couple will jump over some important points. In total, psychologists distinguish five stages of a relationship, and a quick transition from the first to the second stage can put an end to all other stages. People do not have time to get the essence of the partner, and it can take a long time to get to know your soulmate quite well. It is important to know the past, the interests of the person, the subtleties of their relationship with parents and friends. All these moments form the general impression, which can change dramatically if some unpleasant truth pops up later.
You should find out the nature of a person as well as their worldview and habits. This is especially necessary for those who are going to move in too fast. If your characters are incompatible, this can be smoothed out by a long stage of dating. People are gradually approaching harmony, not rushing things. If they begin to live together too soon, there are high chances that they will break up.
When your relationship is moving too fast, there is always a chance that you will feel bored too soon. This is called information overload, when you are forced to analyze a huge amount of data. Living with a person in the same apartment will be a real challenge, which you may not be able to meet.
When you enter a new relationship, you are dealing not with a partner, but rather with their image in your head. You are controlled by emotions at the initial stages of your relationships. Further, when you get to know the personality of a partner better, you can think about living together.
Consequences of a Fast-Moving Relationship
There are different types relationships between people. You might have heard stories when people got married after a month of dating and broke up just as fast, while some other couples created their happily ever after. If you are moving too fast, you may feel a void because chemistry hasn’t happened between you. You are doing something but not together. Each of you is acting on your own. You don’t feel satisfied. Such partners will neither feel happy nor be able to enjoy positive vibes if he or she is moving too fast in relationship.
AnnNov 4, 2020, 2:47 PM
I met a guy, but not having time to get used to each other, he said that he wanted to move in together. We are a couple for less than a month, he lives with his parents, works as a postman, he is 22 years old! I wanted to explain to him somehow, so as not to offend him, that I'm not ready to build a close relationship, we haven’t got to know each other well yet. I know that if a guy is rushing things, then it's not very good. And I was convinced of this after I read your article. I thought maybe I was wrong and everything was going as it should, but I realized that he is really rushing things. I am going to talk to him about it.
KateNov 4, 2020, 2:47 PM
Relationships develop quickly not just like that, but because partners overcome each stage with a readiness for a new, subsequent one. If you feel this readiness in yourself and it is reciprocated, then everything is nice. The main thing is not to lose your head! My boyfriend and I became a couple on the very first evening we met. The feeling that I was in a hurry arose only a couple of times. But still, I understood that he was exactly who I was looking for. We have been together for almost a year. Therefore, the rapid development of relationships is neither bad nor good. This is a lottery.