People are not much different from animals. Probably, that’s the reason why people want to diversify their lives and start dating multiple people. It turns out that monogamous routine relationships, unfortunately, destroy passion. However, the desire to have a love affair is not always connected with the monotony in life and the unpleasant habits of the partner. Sometimes, the only true love hides under the “love” for several people. A man experiences this feeling to himself. It cheers up and increases self-esteem. However, it is another story when a person tries to date multiple girls because of his own instincts or because he likes to be a person the girls fight for. It's not about love, it's about just self-esteem. Why do men date multiple women?
Very often, the phrase, "I love both girls" means that a man doesn’t want to make a choice. You like Maria because it is interesting and pleasant to spend time with her, and you like Kayla thanks to amazing sex and her ability to cook deliciously. It is not the true love but an attempt to make an ideal partner from two imperfect variants. Therefore, psychologists advise in some cases, “If you cannot deal with feelings for two different girls, break up with both. In fact, you are involved in dating multiple women, but you do not like any of them.”
Dating multiple women: how people approach it
Periodically, bothersome thoughts about sex with a colleague at work or a pretty barista in Starbucks come to your mind. These thoughts push you to sin and interfere with the normal work. However, unfortunately, there is no way to control your feelings. You can only control your reaction to these feelings. You cannot stop wanting your colleague, but you can look at your relations, at your messages and think about what the other colleagues will think about you, or give in to temptation and then reflect on the escape routes just in case.
Blaming yourself for the fact that you are casually dating multiple people is a stupid and ungrateful thing. Especially if such dating does not harm others. Psychologists recommend in such cases not to seek remorse, and take her photos to whack off to (of course, not directly in front of her eyes.) The brain will get a false signal, and the degree of desire will begin to decrease over time.
What to do if everything has turned into love?
What to do when lust becomes love? This happens also. It's hard to stop thinking about her, and you are not able to ignore her messages. It seems that you have calmed down, but another casual dating with her makes you lose the dignity again. Experts say that love progresses in several stages: lust and affection, tender feelings, respect, and devotion. Even if you are already in a relationship with several single girls, your new feelings will move along the same path. If the feelings are sincere. Sooner or later you will ask yourself the questions, “Why men date multiple women? Is it time to look for someone else or not?”
Of course, you need to overcome the blossoming sense of desire in the very beginning until lust has not become love. The problem is that many people confuse these two feelings. At this point, you need to sit down and figure out whether you feel something bigger than just sexual desire. If at the first stage, there is nothing besides the desire to have sex, the relationship will develop according to the following scenario: lust, sex, boredom with a guilty conscience.
What should polyamorous men do?
If you are a monogamous male by nature who loves your woman sincerely and suddenly falls in love with another amazing woman, then you need to make serious decisions. You might be created for a more open sexual way of life and guys who date multiple women are not so weird. The fact that you used to be prone to monogamy is a consequence of upbringing and low self-esteem. Sometimes it takes some people 30 years to find out about themselves. You don’t need to be afraid of that, there is nothing to worry about. To cope with your feelings, read smart books for polyamorous people, for example, the cult book "Opening Up: Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships " by Tristan Taormino and "More than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory" by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert. These books will make it clear how to continue living, and what, properly speaking, to do. In addition, you are not alone in this world, so you can find your fellow sufferers (although who said that this is bad?) on various social networks, there you will also meet at least one girl dating multiple guys.
Is it possible to love two people at the same time?
In all polyamorous relations, the scales tilt the balance in favor of one of the partners. It is impossible to “love” equally, there are too many nuances. Most likely, people will never be able to study the nature of love since too much depends on the man himself, his perception, behavior, upbringing. Love is an incredibly subjective thing. Different people have different ideas about what “to love” means as well as there are different criteria by which family happiness is determined.
Who are happier – polyamorous or monoamorous people?
Canadian scientists involved in various aspects of human relationships decided to find out who are happier – polyamorous or monoamorous people. They applied a scientific approach to the long-debated issue of polyamorous relations, which are increasingly chosen by people from around the world, and whose choice is so vehemently condemned by adherents of the traditional form of the family and monoamorous unions.
According to Jessica Wood from the University of Guelph (Canada), if you are psychologically and sexually satisfied being in a relationship with someone, it means you feel happy with your partner in general, regardless of the type of your romantic relationship.
Interviewed more than three hundred respondents to the survey, Canadian scientists have concluded that those people who are in a consensual non-monoamorous relationship experience the same level of psychological well-being, sexual contentment, and general satisfaction with their relationship as those who are in monoamorous relations. This destroys the public perception of monogamy as the ideal structure of romantic relationships.
How to date multiple women: rules and guidelines
The prospect of dating multiple people seems tempting to many men. All men like diversity, everyone wants to try something new from time to time. If you dream about dating multiple women and you consider it your life's greatest success, you should make sure that the dream will come true. How to date multiple women at once? How to make them available to you at the first call?
Be in permanent search
It is important to understand that the constant rotation of the girls in your bed is an endless game. You can never relax, lean back on the king's size bed and contemplate your kingdom. You should always work hard to get results. If you are new to this activity and you don’t know how to date multiple girls, just go out and meet girls. If you had sex with a girl, you have two choices: either she will soon disappear (literally in a couple of meetings) or she will begin to impose obligations on you. Remember: since you are looking for impermanence, you have no guarantees. You just go out and do your thing. The only permanent thing in your life is the existence of men dating multiple women. Awareness of this makes you brave and automatically more attractive. Time goes by, you avoid obligations, that's the guarantee of stability. Women are constant in their impermanence, you are constant in your attempts to date multiple girls and get close to them.
Do not get attached
You should not get attached to any girl under any circumstances otherwise guys who date multiple women will take your place. In this case, emotions will only be superfluous. After all, if you have four girls with whom you meet from time to time, three of them will not let you prioritize the fourth one. In practice, there is still the danger of having some feelings to these girls, and you will be very upset if one of them leaves you. This should not be allowed to happen. Daily remind yourself that your goal is not a stable relationship with one girlfriend but sexual abundance. Be as cold as ice.
Learn to write messages
A distinctive feature of such a relationship is the rarity of meetings (once a week, or even less.) Therefore, you should become a master of messages: texting, Facebook, comments on Instagram, everything is useful. Today it is difficult to imagine a girl from 18 to 35 years old, who does not use an app of at least one social network. Be ready, you will be in control of the girls with the help of messages. If you are not highly trained in this part, develop your skills. Follow the life of your girlfriends, chat with them on easy topics, so that they have the illusion of some kind of belonging to you, but keep a distance so that they have no thoughts of seeing you more often.You need to heat constantly their interest in you.
Cover the tracks
Of course, none of your girls will want to share you with others. If they are not familiar with each other, you will have to become a strategist. You should carefully choose places for meetings so that the girlfriends do not cross paths accidentally. At home, there should not be the female hairs of different colors, earrings, and other marks. You know how girls like to mark their territory, leaving toothbrushes and other unobtrusive things, like the smell of perfume. Everything has to be hidden. Sometimes you'll have to lie, but you should not lie like a gas meter. Offer her an explanation, and if she does not like it, then let her go. Remember that the most effective way to lie is to convince yourself that you are telling the truth.
Avoid talks about "us"
As it was mentioned earlier, a relationship with a girl can develop in two ways: either she does not want to make any sort of a commitment, and leaves, or she wants to get her hands on you. In this case, you should never get emotional and try to talk seriously when you are asked how to name your relationship and where it is going. Be available for her only from time to time and do not act like her boyfriend, there is a chance that she will understand that you avoid commitment. If you still get involved in the talk "about us", be evasive. You shouldn’t obey her demands and treat her in a special way, believing that she will see you in all your glory and get scared. She will not get scared. Even if you lose her, remember that it is better to get rid of a woman who wants too much from you and demonstrates her predatory nature.
Be in a pretty good shape
How to date multiple women? Go to the gym regularly, run and eat healthy foods. Drink lots of water. Do not smoke. You should be in a pretty good shape to satisfy multiple women. If you manage to arrange the rotation of three or four girls, you will have great sexual activity and you will have to provide it to each woman. If you do not spend emotions on her, sex should be really outstanding, otherwise, you will lose her.
Nothing lasts forever
It is an illusion to believe that a relationship can last forever and become better with time. However, you should not focus only on the negative side and make a girl feel unhappy and look for satisfaction somewhere else. It’s easy to cheat on a girl. It’s difficult to create a relationship. Relations with multiple girls guarantee you instant emotional and mental satisfaction. Relationships need to be supported, taken care of. You have to trust your partner and communicate with her in order to grow together. If you are attracted to another person, admit it to yourself and your girlfriend. You have to be honest. To lie and then to lie again is a bad idea, it will only hurt. Look at your relationship carefully before you start searching for happiness with another person. If you fall in love too often, stay an independent artist and draw a picture of your own version of happy life with multiple women. No matter how green the grass seems, it still needs to be watered and cut to make the lawn look good.