The first date is something like a recon, the result of which can lead to different consequences. In most cases, the first date allows you to understand whether this relationship can get a continuation or not. Such uncertainty gives rise to different doubts and prejudices as well as makes you nervous before a date. Even if you have been communicating for a long time on the Internet, the first date still resembles a public appearance when you need to make an extensive presentation of your personality to get a job of your dream. So, it's not surprising that you feel excited and nervous that someone is staring at you and carefully listens to you as if deciding whether you are good enough to get this job. However, this is not the end of the world, and you should find out how to calm nerves before a date to look more self-confident and attractive when you meet single ladies.
Why You Are Usually Nervous Before Date
Extremely sensitive people suffer from tension and worries almost around the clock. They can be pissed off by a queue in the store, comments from the boss or rain outside the window. Let alone on the first date.
You spend hours in front of the mirror, and it seems to you that this shirt looks awful, and you need to do a more stylish haircut. You can be afraid that you will not be able to keep the conversation going, or you will say something wrong. You can even experience a panic attack and start sweating. You feel like a fish out of the water and do not want to go anywhere. What are the main reasons for the first date nerves?
She is a perfection
You meet single women online who look gorgeous and start communicating. You are talking for several months with one of them, sharing thoughts, worldviews and life principles. At one point you understand that this girl is just pure perfection. She is beautiful, smart, witty and has just a gorgeous sense of humor. You cannot but ask her out on a date. You understand that such women are a rare thing, and if you don’t take this step, then someone else will get your chance to become happy. On the subconscious level, you feel that you are out of her league, and these thoughts and self-doubt make you worry very much. You are afraid of being rejected because you don’t believe that such a wonderful girl can enter the relationship with you.
You've been single for too long
If you broke up with your ex-partner more than six months ago, and you were single for all this time, then getting back to dating can seem a challenge to you. It is especially difficult if you were in long-term relationships earlier and could hardly remember when you were on a date the last time. It’s something like getting out of your comfort zone, so it can be scary, uncomfortable and extremely exciting. It’s not surprising that you are nervous before a date with a charming stranger. You can be completely calm and relaxed only if you are doing something regularly, but if you have been single for too long, then you don’t know what to expect and worry about the likelihood of messing things up.
You are a shy person
If you are a quiet, calm and shy person by nature, then it can be uncomfortable for you to communicate with people you don’t know. Even if you have been talking with a charming stranger for several months, the first meeting in person can still resemble a cold shower when it becomes hard to breathe. In general, shy people need more time to get used to a person to be able to relax and feel calm. So, it’s not surprising that even if you have studied all the tips on how to not be nervous for a date, your palms can still sweat, and you can have rosy cheeks from embarrassment on the first date.
It is a blind date
What do you know about a blind date? You might know nothing if you are not an adventurer. A blind date can become a great experience and the most exciting event. However, on the other hand, it can become a reason for the heart attack if you are one of those people who worry about everything unusual to which they cannot be fully prepared. To go on a blind date is like to buy a pig in a poke. You never know what you can get. And even the fact that nothing horrible can happen because the worst thing that you may face is that you will not like each other doesn't calm you down, and the whole situation makes you feel nervous for a date.
How to Calm Nerves Before a First Date with a Girl
Any meeting with a stranger can become exciting and make fundamental changes in your life. It is not surprising that you experience great excitement before such a meeting. However, how to not be nervous for a date, control your emotions and not seem like a weird person to a charming girl? There are proven methods that help calm the nerves and behave more confident in any situation. Here are the top 5 tips on how to not be nervous on a first date and show yourself from the best side.
1. Face your fears
This tip is suitable not only for the first date situation but also for getting rid of any fear. A person is afraid of everything new and incomprehensible. The more often you find yourself in situations in which you feel out of your comfort zone, the more familiar and understandable they become. Do you often avoid crowded events? So, you need to visit them regularly. Come for the first time for 15 minutes and talk a little face-to-face with someone. After a week, stay for half an hour and chat with several interlocutors. In a couple of months, you will remember a former phobia with a smile. Thus, the more often you go on dates, the easier you treat them. We are often afraid of situations in vain, just because we have a great imagination. Think about what may be unpleasant and how to fix the situation. Get ready for force majeure in advance.
2. Don’t replay possible dialogues in your mind
Reflections on what may happen or fantasies about future unpleasant events lead to nothing but heightened anxiety. If you need to solve a problem, deal with it as quickly as possible, without unnecessary emotions and reflections. Psychologists call this approach a problem-focused solution. Those of us who can concentrate on solving problems are distinguished by better mental health, a more positive attitude and significant success in life, compared with those who are overwhelmed by emotions. Surely you will come up with possible dialogues before the date. But it does not make any sense. If you need to discuss a problem on a date, you should consider the essence of what has happened and offer your options for overcoming the situation. At the same time, fictional dialogs will not help you.
3. Do not think that you will make a bad impression
You can find hundreds of articles in glossy magazines and hundreds of video bloggers that will tell you in detail how to look and behave on a first date. However, if you don’t work on your self-esteem regularly, none of the tips will work out. The only right advice is to remain yourself and not try to look better than you are. If that notorious “chemistry” arises between you, then your appearance has absolutely no meaning. And no trendy shirts or perfume will help you if the attraction does not arise. The main thing is to let go of the situation and behave naturally. In the end, this is not the first or last date in your life, and even if it is unsuccessful, remember: you learn from mistakes.
4. Visualize your date
You might have heard about the visualization technique. Thanks to visualization, people can relax and even get what they want. You can also try to increase the chances of success of your date if you try to visualize how and what will happen. This can be done both while waiting for a partner (if you come on a date earlier) and preparing for a date at home. Just lay down and relax before you go on a date. Close your eyes for a few minutes and imagine that your date is going perfect. Imagine that you don’t get nervous on a date, you don’t worry about anything, and your interlocutor is nice and charming. Even if you fail, the attempt to visualize a successful date will relieve your nervous tension and help calm down a bit.
5. Come on a date a bit earlier
Nervousness increases if a person is in an unfamiliar environment. Do you want to find out how not to be nervous before the date? Come a bit early. Having familiarized yourself with the place, you will gain a little confidence. If you have a date at a restaurant or cafe, you can even have a drink before you meet your partner. Appearing on a date a little earlier will win you additional points. A girl will perceive you as a reliable and punctual person. In any case, you have an advantage over the person who comes later than you. While you are waiting for a partner, you have time to once again practice visualization of everything that happens next. Such preparation will allow you to get rid of unnecessary excitement before a date or even stop being nervous about a date.
How Not Be Nervous During a Date
How to not be nervous around a girl? This problem is very commonplace, but inexperienced guys face it quite often. How to get rid of these first date jitters and save face? You should remember that the first date is a very important event for girls either. They prepare and worry no less than you. It is enough to follow a few simple steps and prepare correctly so that everything goes great. However, you should remember that it is only up to you how everything will go.
Prepare a list of interesting topics
Often, one of the greatest fears of men who are going on the first date is the absence of common ground and themes to talk about. However, such a meeting is about getting to know each other closer and talking about different things while taking a walk in the park or sitting in a cozy cafe. Additional preparations are optional. You only need to prepare a list of topics that you can safely talk about. For example, you can talk about the following things:
- Her and your hobbies;
- Interesting moments life;
- Common philosophical topics;
- Relationships between a man and a woman;
Avoid discussing purely masculine topics. Don’t talk about politics, football, sports, alcohol, other girls and so on. She may not like some of them so much that she will not want to talk to you anymore. Pay attention to the features of her appearance.
Maintain eye contact
If you want to attract a girl, you should look into her eyes during a conversation and maintain eye contact with her throughout your meeting. In the first minutes of the date, this can be difficult, but if you try, you may see that the partner will try to look away because she is not less nervous on a date. If you can control eye contact, it will give you more self-confidence and reduce your nervousness during a date. It will be much worse if, on a date, you are staring at the floor or looking away at any attempts by your partner to look at you or say something. Doing that, you will certainly show uncertainty and nervousness and are unlikely to please your date.
Think and behave positively
Most often, people worry about the fear of looking stupid. These thoughts contribute to the production of the stress hormone, which puts a man in a state of fear and helplessness. Staying in this state, you cannot show your best qualities but find yourself in an awkward situation. To get rid of this feeling, you need to stop thinking about everything bad. Just let go of the bad thoughts your imagination comes up with. You need to realize that this is an ordinary meeting, the outcome of which cannot be predicted in advance. Take a deep breath and calm down, this is not the most important step in your life. Besides positive people look more attractive.
No matter how much excitement you feel on a date, deep breathing will help cope with it. The extra oxygen sent to the brain soothes the body and reduces excitement. The deep breathing method has been known since time immemorial and has been successfully applied today. Next time, as soon as you feel extreme excitement or a panic attack, just start breathing deeply until you calm down. You can tell about these tricks to your friends who are also looking for tips on how to control nerves.
Avoid dangerous topics
Nothing will ruin your first date the way your silly act can do. Do you adore your cat too much? Are you still idolizing your ex-wife? If you want the second date to happen, you must keep some things a secret. The first date should be bright and interesting. Therefore, you should constantly watch what you are talking about. In addition to the above-mentioned themes that you should better avoid, it’s necessary to add talks about your ex, parents (especially if you have some family problems), money and marriage. If you do everything right, you will get a chance to discuss all these topics later.
Remember They Are Nervous Too
Even if you have asked an ice queen out on a date, you can be sure that she will also be nervous at least a bit. Girls like to look indifferent and cold, hiding their rosy cheeks under makeup. Anyway, women are humans who experience the same feeling and emotions, having got out of their comfort zone. The excitement and level of nervousness can increase if they like the person who has asked them out.