Being with your significant other is awesome – you get to spend time together, watch some movies, eat good food, and overall have a great night. But where is the time to stop? Have you ever calculated how many hours daily you spend with your partner? When you get attached to your SO too much, you can feel the need to be with them forever. If you don’t want to be left, let them have fun with other people, and even go to work.
I always had this problem with my wife. She would be this amazing support and my main interest in life. But then I realized – the more time we spend together, the less I’m able to control myself, be it work or physical activities. I just liked being in bed with her all the time. I became jealous and whenever she had to leave for a week to go to her native town, I would get bored and furious. Then she said to me, “Stop being so clingy in a relationship!” Only then I realized that I am too clingy! Here is how I learned how to stop being overly attached, so you can do it too.
What Is Clingy Behavior?
What does “clingy” mean in a relationship? You know you are clingy when people tell that you are overly attached when your main focus is your partner, and you like to control every move your partner does. Being clingy is a disease you need to get rid of ASAP! Being clingy differs from being romantic and caring. When you are clingy, you hurt your partner. You start being caring despite their will. You are always feeling needy in a relationship, throwing temper tantrums and disrespect your partner’s boundaries. And worst of all, you are unable to admit that you have problems.
According to Brunel University’s data, people who tend to be clingy also have low self-esteem and anxiety that they are willing to project onto their partner, desperately trying to grasp control.
Main Signs of a Clingy Person
So, what are the signs your partner is clingy? Do they have a pattern they always follow? Here is what a lot of clingy people do.
1. They have low self-esteem. Clingy people don’t like to lose their partner’s attention even for a bit because they think nobody else would love them. They also tend to be demanding and needy. You probably noticed a pattern when you were choosing single ladies for dating: women who got on your nerves by texting you every other second were also the ones who would whine the most. Insecure people bite into someone else’s butt just to feel secure.
2. They dislike your friends and family. How does that relate? Clingy people hate when you give attention to other people. They would always accompany you during a business meeting, get into your family’s dirty laundry, be sneaky around you trying to peep into your phone. A clingy person would make sure you dedicate every second of your free time to them only.
3. They have trust issues and are very suspicious. Every clingy person is scared of the thought of being dumped. They would even be better, trying to look good and have a presentable job just to keep you attached. They develop unhealthy traits in you that inevitably lead to having a co-dependent relationship. They will always try to catch you cheating, lying and detaching. They like to see what’s not there. Sometimes, you don’t know where to meet women without trust issues.
4. Clingy people have no idea about boundaries. When you go to the movies with your pals, they will escort you. They will go to your parents, download your music, wear your T-shirts, learn your hobbies just to be closer to you until you suffocate. Any attempt to have boundaries would upset them. Some might even share a bathroom with you when you are doing your business. Clingy people don’t understand boundaries at all!
5. Clingy people are bored. They don’t have a life. Similarly to those who watch TV shows religiously just to follow every celebrity’s drama, your significant other will be in your business just because they have nothing to do. Their job doesn’t excite them, they have probably given up on every hobby or never had them, they don’t have friends outside your circle, and don’t even want to have connections besides you.
How Does It Affect Relationships?
A lot of people don’t know how to overcome neediness, so their partners lose interest quickly, detaching and willing to hide even more. If you start seeing your partner as prey, they would want to escape. Furthermore, a clingy partner can set bad dynamics in a relationship, so that when the “abuser” gets cold, the “victim” feels the void of not getting enough clinginess, like they used to feel. Suddenly they want all the attention because the bar is so high. Consequently, they start earning this attention which makes THEM want to chase a clingy person.
This starts a messed-up circle called Karpman Drama Triangle. A person who was previously abused by a beloved partner starts demanding the previous amount of drama because they've got used to it.
How to Overcome Being Clingy?
If you don’t know how to stop being clingy in a relationship or want to combat this trait in your partner’s behavior, you have to work daily and always get a reality check. Here are some tips on how to stop being needy and clingy in a relationship.
1. Stop being jealous
It’s hard to stop being jealous just because someone told you so. But you have to work on the root of the problem. What makes you so jealous? Do you have low self-esteem? Have you been cheated on? Do you have trust issues from a previous relationship? It’s time for you to work on your mental balance, learn how to love yourself regardless of having a partner by your side.
2. Pay more attention to yourself
People who don’t love themselves inevitably torture others in a relationship. If you want to know how to fix a relationship after being needy, dedicate more time to what YOU need, not your partner or their friends. Start attaching to your inner core. Listen to yourself. Get a glow-up. Get a job, a good massage, a hobby, a desert. Treat yourself and pay more attention to your needs. Learn how to satisfy yourself without a partner.
3. Give your partner more freedom
If it doesn’t work, don’t push it. Your partner wants to detach just because you don’t give them time to breathe. Give them fresh air. Learn how to be a separate unit. Don’t be scared to spend a whole day alone. Do you have a void that you feel with other people’s presence? Get to know where this void comes from and try to fill it with self-love.
4. Stop checking your phone all the time
First, learn how to stop being needy and insecure in a relationship. Don’t rely on your partner and demand to answer you during work time. You can do a lot of things that will make you better as a person. And you definitely shouldn’t check THEIR phone! Sneaking through someone’s phone is the epitome of insecurity. Are you deliberately trying to find something in there? Don’t be scared to be cheated on, feel worthy enough and sure THEY will be the one to suffer after they lose such a precious unit.
5. Find new activities
If you want to know how to avoid being clingy in a long-distance relationship (or any relationship), be a separate person! Find a hobby that you love, and you will forget about your partner for a good day. Find activity-related friends or pen-pals, so that you don’t need to rely on your SO’s opinion. Surprise them with how talented and busy you are. That will draw them to you better than any love potion!
Major Mistakes That Make a Partner Consider You a Clingy Person
You may be not clingy usually, but certain things may come across red flags, especially to a new partner. Here are the things we do that give off a bad vibe.
Text too often. Imagine you just came from a date. What do you do? If you instantly text them to make sure they are okay, ask their opinion on a date, fast-forward to the wedding day or simply ask about a next meeting, there is no surprise some people might find this too much. Be confident enough your date will ask you out again. Never rush or belittle yourself. Don’t show people you are scared to lose them.
Always follow them around. You are hard to get rid of. You stay at their crib from dusk till dawn even when they politely hinted it is time to end a date. Similarly, your partner might think you simply have nothing else to do. Have some dignity and disappear when it’s convenient for you. Let them always want more.
You are always online. Since you met, you have been living on the Internet, checking their Snapchat, Instagram, seeking them online, putting likes under their posts and photos. Your partner might think you have an obsession with them. It’s not interesting to see someone is stalking you. Moreover, it’s kind of…scary. Try to be chased, don’t chase other people. Disappear from the Internet for a while. But don’t pretend to be busy – find an actual good thing to do.
So, today we’ve tried to learn how to not be so clingy in a relationship. Being an independent person needs certain discipline, willing to achieve your path and constant motivation. Remember that clinginess is a sign that you have a void in your soul that you are trying to fill. Work on yourself, go to a therapist and cope with this issue. Focus on your own happiness and don’t be ever afraid you can be miserable without someone. You are a unique creation, and nobody can take that away from you!