Sometimes girls become so paranoid in relationships with men that their control transcends all reasonable boundaries. As you know, men are mostly free creatures who cannot stand strong control, especially when it comes to relationships with a partner. Of course, girls manifest overly reactive behavior, a wish to control and spend every minute with their beloved solely out of fear that a man will deceive or betray. However, trust is the main component in a relationship. And if a girl is not completely confident in her man, then she should not continue the relationship with him and torment herself with endless jealousy. How to be less clingy in a relationship? Or well how to detect that you have no future with an overly obtrusive person? Today we will try to shed light on the main signs of excessive obsession over a partner.
What Makes a Girl Clingy?
If a man is already in love, now he is experiencing tremendous emotional stress. For women, love is the wonderful feeling they are waiting for. Men, at this moment, are in a real struggle with themselves. Love is a feeling that makes a man weaker, more vulnerable. It becomes not only his happiness but also the "lever" of influence on him. After all, the times of the knights when a man was ready to give his life for his lady have not passed yet. In any case, every man is a knight in the soul, no matter who he is in life.
Clingy in a relationship definition: being overly obsessive over the person means investing in the relationship more than they, it can be applied to calling and texting more often, initiating the meeting, doing surprises and gifts while not receiving the same feedback, paying more attention to the person and knowing more about them than they do, and being overall more interested in their life. What is another specific feature of clingy people is that they realize neither the right time to ask for the attention, nor they notice being extra. A woman being dependent on her man doesn’t realize that calling him in the middle of the night, asking how his day went in detail when he seems extremely tired and inviting him for dates after having received several rejections is over the top.
After all, not all men want serious relationships, sometimes they surf the website to meet women just for sex. There are times when the obsession in a woman’s relationship appears at the stage of dating. Men perceive this behavior in different ways. What causes clinginess in a relationship? It is believed that such behavior
- means poor upbringing;
- makes it clear that you deal with an accessible girl;
- is an alarming sign, the guy realizes that he will be kept on a short leash.
Even if you meet on a man and woman dating site, your relationship can grow into something serious. But forcing the events and being intrusive will not lead to this.
How to Detect a Clingy Girlfriend: Main Pointers
Where is the line between compulsion and caring? To detect clingy relationship problems is not hard, they are manifested in pretty obvious things. So, what are the main signs of clinginess in a relationship?
The control. Does a close person read your email, check messages, know your phone password? After each meeting, she wonders how it went and what you were talking about? Constantly asks in great detail how was your day? A girl gets angry if the partner wants to hang out separately? Those are the signs of clingy behavior, the result of which is jealousy. A woman who requires that she is taken to meetings and all corporate parties doesn't act right. If you had a first, second date, maybe even intimacy, but you still haven’t talked that you are an official couple, your girl doesn’t have the right to control you or even ask that many questions. It is inappropriate to wonder where you were at that time, why you didn’t help her parents, although you were going to, etc. This means a girl asks for too much, especially if you haven’t given her reasons for this.
Fear of loneliness. People who fear a breakup require a declaration of love and actions from the partners. They need constant proofs of feelings. Demand immediate response to their messages. You are likely to receive, “Why are you silent?” from them if you do not answer for more than15 minutes. If you are not in a relationship, you should not immediately report about everything that you are doing. The girl should learn to mind her own business and be an individual person, not your accessory. No one is protected from a breakup so, if one day you part, she will stay alone and suffer even more. Neither let her stick too much to you nor show that you will tolerate that much of an attention to your persona.
Lack of independence. One of the clingy relationship signs is that your partner cannot make any decision on their own. Elementary problems cannot be solved without your help. That emotional dependence sometimes reaches the point of absurdity. An annoying person limits both herself and you from the rest of friends, focusing solely on her lover. Clingy girlfriends are like, "What will we do/ where will we go/ what are our plans for today?" Instead of telling you what she wants or suggesting activities, she waits for you to decide. She is not able to do the choice on her own and in case of the wrong decision, you will be the one to blame. What is a clingy person? She is a constant initiator of communication because she simply cannot do without it.
Behavior. Not only signs of perseverance are an alarm. A wise woman recognizes that she has gone too far according to the behavior of her partner. A loved one will stop answering calls and begin to linger at work. Communication will be reduced to simple phrases. The offer to meet will be refused using excuses to go out with friends or go to relatives. After all, if you sometimes just want to ask your girlfriend to leave you alone, this is one of the sure signs that her obsession has crossed borders.
Trying to find out the details of a short, insignificant story. If a man casually mentioned something and does not want to further develop the topic, the girl should not insist on it. She is not on the right to find out the details of every event that happened to you throughout the day, even if there is something to pay attention to. Or maybe the second option is why she is trying to figure out the details and feels the need to ask clarifying questions is because she doesn’t believe you. She may be jealous and suspect you in something when you get busy too often. But if a man does not want to maintain a conversation on this topic, it is always better to transfer the conversation to another topic because clinginess in a relationship is not a feature of a wise woman.
Is It Worth It to Enter into a Relationship With Such a Person?
Most of us are afraid to show obsessive attention when we really like a person. This is normal - all our fears are aggravated at the moment when we are interested in a relationship because we do not want to lose the one we care about. In a situation when we do not need a person, we behave very naturally. We are not afraid to ask, and we do not respond to rudeness. That is, we do not perceive any response vis-a-vis to our account, as in the case of interest in a partner.
Being too clingy in a relationship examples are next: ignorance of the measure, lack of tact and the manifestation of egoism - all together. In real life, obsession manifests itself in the repetition of the same situation. Moreover, actions are carried out rapidly, one by one, with virtually no time intervals.
At the stage of conquering a man or woman, one must act very subtly so as not to frighten away the object of passion. When people are in a relationship, they feel more confident, but here another danger can lie in wait for them - the belief that having a partner gives them the right to control them. For example, arrange interrogations or call at any time of the day. But apparently, no one is in right to invade other person’s space and violate their boundaries.
To conclude, becoming somehow intrusive and act more confidently towards your partner is normal at one stage of your relationships with another. The best tip on how to avoid clinginess in a relationship is that if you notice manifestations of clinginess from the very beginning, do not enter relationships with such a girl.
How to Help a Person With a Clingy Behavior Problem?
One of the ways how to be less clingy in a relationship is to switch your attention from the partner on something else. Get busy living and do not make your beloved the center of the universe. You can help someone with an emotional dependence from the relationships with a particular person by suggesting them exciting activities, helping them find the job to enjoy on a daily basis, and by explaining that they should learn to live by themselves because waiting that your partner pays all their free time to you and not noticing that you make him feel uncomfortable is childish. Unless they get seriously hurt one time by someone who rejects them in a rude and direct way, such people can never come to realize that they interfere with the personal space of others on their own. To avoid facing negativity in the future and become less clingy, these people should listen to simple advice.
How to Deal With Obsession in Relationships?
Take into account the wishes of the partner. If your beloved one decided to spend the weekend with friends or going on a trip with relatives, well, do not argue with them. Say you don't mind and plan to spend time with your acquaintances or doing something you have been putting by for long. Just have fun, and do not sit near the phone, in the hope that they will call. Go shopping, visit your parents, take care of yourself. You will see that such separation will benefit. Having been away from you, the partner will become bored and will return home with joy and new emotions. The main thing is not to ask meticulously how a loved one spent the weekend.
Wait for the return move
Play ball with your loved one. Take a step towards a call or invite for a walk. Imagine throwing a ball with a proposal to your partner. Now, wait for them to return it to you. In other words, a friend needs to make a return roll. You cannot throw a loved one with various balls. In such actions, importunity is manifested. Keep in mind that a person does not respond for various reasons: busy, not feeling well, not ready to communicate. Do not blame yourself. If you want to learn how to avoid being needy in a relationship, you should be patient and hold your head high. Have self-respect and dignity not to be overly obtrusive even if you want to call/text/meet so hard.
Learn to recognize signs that indicate a loss of interest in you
Ignoring and rudeness are among signs that say that you should stop communication. Obsession, in this case, will not change the situation, but only humiliate you in the eyes of other people. Do not blame yourself for the fact that the relationship did not work out. There are people who are not ready for the amount of attention you are ready to give or crave yourself. Maybe your schedules do not coincide, and you have more free time than them. This means they simply do not have time to even think about you more. Or they are not ready to invest, they are lazy or forgetful by nature. Stop such a relationship yourself.
Ask a loved one for help
You should cooperate in these terms. Come up with conventional signs. For example, the phrase "I'm busy." If you break the boundaries, cross the line, then the conditional sign will make it clear that it is time to stop. Do not call or write until you receive news from a friend. And sometimes we do not even notice being intrusive and understand that was acting wrong when it is too late and our partner runs away. To avoid this, you should discuss the issue of personal space. What are your life priorities? Does your beloved put a job or you in the first place? How many dates a week are ok and how many calls are too much? Talk about these concrete numbers and specific boundaries in advance.
Find a hobby
An interesting lesson immerses a person, makes you forget about the problems. Carried away by a new business, you will notice that you have become more interesting to people. Constant calls occur because you are bored. A business person does not have time for empty talk. Chat with people. Spread the need for communication with different people. Go to the cinema with a friend, invite friends for dinner, organize a picnic. Being with a loved one in the company, you will recognize them from the other side and prove yourself. Treat your partner as you would like to be treated yourself. Would you enjoy it if someone deprived you of the time you cut out for doing your favorite thing? So, you should ever put your partner before the choice: you or their hobby, you will not become the center of their universe because each person should have other interests in life except for their beloved.
Do not turn relationships into the need
How to avoid being needy in a relationship? Simply do not set the task at any cost to get the attention of others. Periods of loneliness are normal for a person. At this moment, we analyze previous actions and make plans for the future. The desire to meet a soul mate is welcome, but do not turn it into a need. Get busy living your own life and make your way to self-love. Remember that you are an individual no matter who you are dating at the moment. Your other half doesn’t define you as a person, even if you part, it doesn’t make you worse. But if you fear loneliness so much, you will cling to any person that you meet. And it scares people away because no one enjoys their freedom to be limited.
We are afraid to show feelings because we are not always sure that another person needs them, and because of our own fears, we miss the chance to become closer to the one we care about, the chance to find our happiness. We evaluate any situation based on our experience, and therefore, all our fears are only our fears. One wise man once said that the boundary of your ego is the boundary of your consciousness. That is, we create problems for ourselves and cultivate insecurities. And if for some reason, you think that you are imposing yourself on a person, then most often, you are mistaken.
Treat yourself with respect and love. Often, importunity hides the need for a friend or loved one. Low self-esteem pushes a person to search for a strong shoulder of support. To build a healthy relationship, work on yourself. Visit interesting places, make friends, enjoy loneliness. Confidence, the value of freedom and personal space will come. Only after that start building new relationships.