What Are the Trust Issues in Relationships?
Many marriage counselors, divorce attorneys, and private investigators will gladly tell you that distrust in a relationship is a consistent occurrence. The assumption is true that most people trust their future spouses before marriage, but after a vow, relationships begin to crack. Distrust in your spouse may be based on facts and data, or it may be the result of assumptions and feelings. The only way to learn to trust your spouse, or to find out if this is possible in principle, is only through communication.
Trust is hard enough to earn, as it must come from actions, not words. Restoring lost trust is extremely difficult. The first thing you should do, and it does not matter whether you are a man or a woman, is to sit down and analyze the reason for your mistrust. Is it a simple resentment, or perhaps dissatisfaction with the relationship as a whole? Maybe you should just get registered on a dating site and meet single girls right now. Does your distrust arise from a lack of self-esteem, or do you know that your loved one has betrayed you?
If the answer is the latter, then you need to make a tough choice. If you want to solve this problem and try to restore your confidence that you once felt, you do not need to hide all this in yourself. In most cases, distrust is based on betrayal, which has its roots in lies, money, or infidelity. The journey back will be difficult, and there is no guarantee that you will reach your destination. In any case, if you bring the problem for a discussion with a loved one, then it will be much easier to solve than the one that often remains in the shadow.
In most cases, it is best to try to learn to trust your spouse through the help of a consultant or an intermediary. Without this help, irritability increases, and the problem can only worsen. A person who has breached trust must admit their mistakes, be prepared to sincerely apologize and explain the reason for this behavior. One person cannot restore relations, and the injured party must be ready to forgive. Forgiveness of betrayal is one of the most difficult tasks a person can face. Thus, it is not always an option to rebuild a relationship on the ruins of an old one, maybe the right thing to do would be to get registered on a dating site and find woman seeking man online.
Now that we know a few things about relationships trust issues, let’s check out some signs that you are facing trust issues in a relationship.
Signs You Have Relationship Trust Issues
We are all different and thus, all of the relationships that we have are quite different from one another, thus, distrust can manifest itself in very different ways. However, there are still some common signs that you are facing trust issues in a relationship, here are just a few of such.
You always try to get your hands on their phone
This is never a good sign, this means that you are paranoid about your partner, and you don’t trust them, you think that they may be cheating on you. Would you appreciate if the same would have been done to you? Would you like to feel a lack of trust from your partner? Well, if your jealousy is baseless, then give some breathing room to your partner and stop checking their phone.
You are paranoid and always think of the worst-case scenarios
Every time your partner stays late at work or goes out on a business trip – you start thinking that you are being fooled, and they are not actually working or dealing with some important business, but instead, just cheating on you with someone else. Just as in the case of the previous point, this is, almost always, completely baseless and has nothing to do with reality.
You are trying to control your partner
Every step that your partner takes has to be controlled, they can’t leave the house without your permission, and you act as if every free second of their life, every single time they are left alone, will potentially lead to something awful, they will inevitably cheat on you. Well, with this attitude, your partner will surely glow alienated from you.
You have cheated on your partner
Maybe the roles are actually reversed, and you are the one who is the target of jealousy, and maybe, just maybe, this jealousy is not baseless. If you have cheated on your partner – this means that you are not happy with them, it means that you don’t trust them, as you didn’t want to talk to them about your feelings, so you just decided to cheat on them instead. Now that we know the signs of trust issues in a relationship, let’s find out how to get over trust issues with a girlfriend?
Overcoming Trust Issues: a Complete Guide
As you can see, distrust in a relationship can take on lots of different forms. You can be the reason for this distrust, your partner can be the reason for that, but, it is quite likely, that your relationships are at fault. How is it, they are just a concept, how can they be at fault? Well, relationships consist of two (in most cases) people, so, the reason for the current problems that you face has to do with the way you interact with each other.
Identify the new boundaries in your relationships
How to get over trust issues? If you and your partner betrayed mutual trust, then, likely, you did not discuss the issues that face your relationships. This is an unacceptable partner behavior that goes against your values and moral principles. You should talk and discuss such points.
Take a piece of paper. Everyone should make a list of situations that they will not tolerate in a relationship. When the lists are ready, read them aloud to each other.
The new indispensable aspects of your relationships may be both mundane demands such as the order in a common home, as well as more serious statements like refusing to stay with a partner who uses drugs. If the partners are not familiar with such mutual requirements, then the risk of betrayal arises in the relationship. If you decide to start all over again, now is a great time to put cards on the table. Honesty and openness are the best way to restore trust.
Assess your willingness to meet mutual needs
How to overcome trust issues? Listen to the requirements of the partner and think about how you can meet such conditions. It may take some time apart to ponder this question.
A person will not compromise on the issue of immutable aspects. So, are you able to become a suitable partner? For example, let’s say a person would never date anyone who can be considered a racist. It is important to decide whether you are willing to hold back or give up some of your standards for a person.
Make new commitments
How to deal with trust issues? If both partners recognize and accept the voiced aspects, then promise to devote yourself to a relationship. Give the word to forget about disagreements and do your best for a successful relationship. The event of your reconciliation can be quite a festive one, you can get a cake, some wine and celebrate the new beginning of your relationships. Also, try writing down your betrayals on paper, and then tear it into pieces or burn it.
Stop the relationship
How to get over trust issues in a relationship? If having discussed the indispensable aspects, one or both partners are not ready to accept the conditions put forward, then it is better to terminate the relationship. No need to give up your personal opinions, otherwise, it will only lead to discontent and quarrels.
If you sacrifice your values for the sake of a relationship, the ability to restore trust will be in jeopardy. Accept the inevitable outcome if you are not ready to live up to expectations.
Before making a final decision, you need to weigh everything and think it over, give each other sometime. Perhaps you will see the situation from a different perspective, and some immutable aspects will turn out to be less troublesome than you thought.
Stop doing things that destroy trust
How to get over your trust issues? This seems obvious, but while maintaining the relationship, you should immediately stop the treacherous acts. Sincerity and truth are the only way to restore confidence. If one of the partners has lied, then there is no more room for deception. If one of the partners has cheated on their partner, then any relationship on the side must be terminated.
Share your secrets
How to get over trust issues in a new relationship? In addition to the need to break the vicious circle of infidelity, it will also be useful to talk about the past. Deception and betrayal is a slippery slope. One “innocent” lie pulls dozens of others. Tell your partner about all the omissions and secrets to create the foundation for future trust.
This difficult step will expose the vulnerability of both partners. Both sides of the relationship should trust each other so that they fearlessly admit to any misconduct. In turn, the second partner should be grateful for the sincerity. Such an approach is effective only in the absence of mutual threats and condemnation. A long and healthy relationship will become real if the partners are ready to share the most intimate of things without fear of revenge and reproach.
For example, a wife may tell her husband, “Honey, lately, I have had fantasies about another man. I never went on to cheat on you. I am so ashamed because I want to be only with you. I hope you forgive me.”
Such a conversation should take place in a safe place like a psychotherapist’s office, as some moments can provoke aggression from one of the partners.
Forgive yourself and each other
How to get over trust issues from past relationships? Forgiveness is not an excuse for betrayal or an attempt to forget about it.
Rather, it is the release of the partner from guilt so that the relationship can develop further. Since both partners have lost each other's trust, both need forgiveness. It is equally important to forgive yourself. Try using the five-step approach to the offender.
- The first step is to remember the insult. Recognize and accept betrayal without embellishment. Do not shy away from emotions and do not try to suppress your thoughts and feelings.
- The second step is to empathize with the offender. Try to understand the motives of an act of betrayal (for example, “Maybe she did so because often I'm too critical of everything”).
- The third step is to take forgiveness as an altruistic gift. Remember the moment when you offended a person, and they gave you forgiveness. Consider forgiveness as a gift through which the giver finds peace of mind.
- The fourth step is to promise to forgive. Promise forgiveness to yourself, your partner, and other loved ones to take responsibility.
- The fifth step is to stick to your decision. In moments of heart-rending recollection of betrayal, remind yourself that you have chosen the path of forgiveness and abandoned the idea of revenge.
Agree to leave the past in the past
How to get over having trust issues? If both partners have decided to forgive each other, then do not get back to the issue that you faced in the past. Today will be the first day of your relationship. Now everything is only in your hands. Do not let each other recall past grievances in future disagreements. Think about the future, forget about the past and things that ended badly.
Strive to see the good qualities of a partner
Relationships often deteriorate if partners see only each other's flaws. Try to dispel the smokescreen of a bonfire of a former quarrel and look at reality without distortion. Remember the positive moments, thanks to which you fell in love with each other. Try to notice the positive qualities. Give your partner compliments, tell them a few things that you like about them, do so every single day. Openly rejoice at the good deeds of the partner.
Do not get defensive when talking with your partner
Betrayal often leads to communication difficulties for one or both partners, but you just need to share thoughts, feelings, and opinions without any sense of guilt. Try to establish communication that will not be aggressive.
How to get over jealousy and trust issues? Sometimes it hurts when a partner hurts old wounds. For example, you are anxious about your family, and a partner allows themselves to make a tactless remark. If it doesn’t seem like they have changed after your reconciliation and only became worse, then there is no reason to continue such a relationship. If you show aggression after each word, the partner will begin to share less with you. Such a slippery path leads only to deceit and betrayal.
Among other things, a loving partner will always take your interests into account. You should not expect that all of their words will please you. Be realistic, this is the right way to build a relationship on the ruins of an old one.
Learn to listen to your partner
You will have to communicate often and openly, so develop your listening ability. Be attentive to the partner’s words to show respect and gain trust.
When talking, pay full attention to the partner. Eliminate all distractions like the phone and the TV. Start serious conversations only after your children went to sleep or are doing homework. Maintain eye contact. Do not cross your legs, make yourself comfortable. Smile and nod from time to time to affirm your partner that you are listening.
When the partner agrees, retell what you heard and make sure that you correctly interpreted everything that they had told you. While overcoming trust issues can often be quite hard, but there are a lot of ways to do it, it just depends on your commitment, it depends on the will that you have to improve and change your relationships for the better. Your partner will have to show the same level of commitment.