How to Deal with Feeling Unwanted in a Relationship

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It’s OK for us, people, to feel a little bit blue in a relationship. Sometimes it is inevitable to miss your partner, beg them to text you or stalk them on social media. But what does it help essentially? If your partner doesn’t want to pay you enough attention, there is no way you can make them do it. Neither manipulations nor requests will make them interested, unfortunately. 

Instead of getting depressed and feeling low, ask yourself: why do you want to feel rejected and stay in a relationship where a partner doesn’t pay enough attention? What is your motivation in this situation? And most importantly, aren’t you exaggerating? How to deal with feeling unwanted in a relationship? In this article, you will receive important advice on this and many more issues. 

Common reasons for feeling unwantedness in a relationship

Long-lasting relationship

If you are together for a long time, no day will be quite like the honeymoon phase. Sometimes, it is okay for married couples to spend more time separately, but there is no guarantee both spouses will feel easy about it. When secrets are revealed and the truth is told, members of the tandem might seem distant. But it is not the reason to open sites to find women, you just need some more time and communication. In this case, your relationships can be easily fixed. 

Emotional manipulation

Sometimes you feeling unwanted is not an exaggeration. How to know it? Look around and ask your environment. Do surrounding people (relatives, friends, etc) notice a lack of attention from your partner. The reason can be the inability to read emotions, mind games, and emotional manipulation. A partner with issues might start bread-crumbing, alternating attention with detachment. 

No interest

Unfortunately, there is no reason to hide the obvious truth. You might feel unwanted in a relationship because your partner simply doesn’t care too much about satisfying you. They might be self-absorbed, emotionally unavailable, or not serious. 

You take top much responsibility 

In female-led relationships, it’s hard to compete for attentiveness while the other partner will contribute more effort no matter what. Similarly, when a man tries too much, he might feel a lack of fairness, consequently being “the abandoned one”. 

Feeling unwanted: how it manifests itself?

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted are common for human beings. Sometimes every relationship gets to a lower point, and you might inevitably get frustrated with the absence of attention from your partner. But before letting go of feeling unwanted in a relationship, how do you notice it?

1. You don’t love yourself

It is unclear what came first: the feeling of unwantedness or lack of self-love. But the only obvious thing is that it can be very destructive. If you don’t like how you look, refuse to have fun, blame, and isolate yourself, you can know for sure that it stems from the feeling of disconnection and rejection. 

2. You cling onto your partner for dear life

Suddenly, all you want is the partner’s appreciation and approval. You want to hear words of confirmation, fishing for compliments, and desperately trying to be better. You compete with the partner’s friends and family for attention, go out your way to please your significant other, yet there is no response. 

3. You express jealousy and anger

We might get capricious, tenacious, and throw child-like temper tantrums when nobody pays attention to us. In a relationship when one partner feels unwanted, sudden bursts of anger take place. A “rejected” member of a couple often expresses displeasure, plots against their significant other, and even talks crap behind their back. That is how rejection makes people desperate. 

4. You tend to victimize yourself

In an unhappy relationship, a victim often does nothing to change the situation, choosing to stay unnoticed. There are no ultimatums and open talks. Instead, an unwanted member of a couple chooses to victimize themselves, sinking in despair and riddles. It is the brutal truth, but in some cases, a feeling of unworthiness makes goes away after an honest talk with certain demands.

5. You hate the partner for treating you that way

Soon enough, despair and melancholy might turn into real hatred. If your partner doesn’t notice you on a daily basis, ignores your emotions, and puts you in second place, these thoughts of feeling unloved and unwanted are natural. You are tired of searching “feeling unwanted” quotes, and there goes another stage, more aggressive and provocative. 

Is it worth it to quit relationships at the first time you feel unwanted?

At all times, leaving a relationship where you feel miserable is worth it. Feeling unwanted in a relationship is a normal thing if you are projecting, having a bad day, and are overly emotional. 

Generally speaking, relationships work by a “benefit of the doubt” method. If this is your first time of feeling lonely and unwanted, you need to remember this situation and how sadness made you feel, and talk with your partner. If the disrespect continues, there is no need in staying in emotionally draining and potentially harmful relationships. However, some red flags should be obvious at once. 

Watch out for these signs:

Your partner laughs at you

If they take big pride in making you feel worthless, you are dealing with a tyrant. It might sound sick and twisted, but some individuals love mind games, so this behavior can be the start of the end. 

They don’t apologize for making you feel bad

If your partner doesn’t agree that you might be hurt by their absence in your life, they will probably continue be self-righteous in every situation. Even if they disagree with your reaction, a loving partner should assume their fault. 

They make up ridiculous excuses

If your partner justifies their coldness, you can call it quits. Whenever you are going to feel unwanted, they would make up an excuse for being “an absentee”. It doesn’t worth your time and effort to prove the opposite. 

They get aggressive and gaslight you

If your partner blames you back, fights, and manipulates you into thinking it didn’t happen, you should run for your life! One time is a charm to understand the lesson if your partner treats you like that from the start. 

How to deal with feeling unwanted in a relationship?

1. Reality check

To see if you are projecting self-consciousness into a situation, imagine how would another close person (friend/relative) make you feel. Would they leave you alone, abandon you, or is it just too dramatic to call it abandonment? If you would have the same result with a close friend (they wouldn’t call in this situation, approach you or notice detachment), then you have a phase of self-victimization. But if you understand that this situation isn’t normal and any other person would approach you, help out and cheer up, it is a serious red flag. 

2. Approach, but don’t reproach

The worst way to handle a situation where you feel unwanted in a relationship is to stay silent about it. Instead, you need to write out all the concerning thoughts and address them to your partner. An understanding SO should feel worried about your feelings and do something about it. 

3. Listen to your intuition

Is this going on for a long time? Is it my first time to feel unwanted? If you constantly get flaked on, forgotten, and misunderstood, this can be heart-breaking.There is no need to stay in emotionally cold relationships, so you should either approach the situation or leave. 

4. The key if your self-esteem

If you are constantly feeling unwanted by spouse, try to search for answers within your head. Of course, they might be terrible and unfair to you. But what exactly keeps you in this situation? Do you feel loved and love yourself? If the answer is positive, why do you let the partner disregard your feelings? Why don’t you put yourself first?

5. Find more hobbies and connections

If you have more time to yourself, feeling unnoticed and worthless will not be on your agenda. Your partner should feel ashamed for not paying attention to such a gem of a person. Once you unlock new inner talents, open up to fresh connections, and perfect your craft, you will want yourself more, and it’s the only thing that matters. 

6. Show a different side of you

Sometimes in long-lasting relationships, emotions weather off and you need to start over with a new personality. Try to put on an act for one evening. Pretend to be someone unfamiliar, magical, and win your partner’s appreciation one more time. Let them see your other side. 

7. Want yourself first

It doesn’t matter if your partner wants you or not if you dislike yourself. To combat it, make a drastic change in your life. Shop up for new clothes, change your style, get a new job, or do whatever boosts your self-esteem. If you feel like a new dime, your partner can’t get that past their head. 

8. Don’t sacrifice

Sometimes the more we feel unwanted, the more we have the urge to serve our partner to earn their interest. If only it worked that way! To be on top of the game, stay two steps ahead. Don’t let your partner overtake the run. You should be almost disappearing from the scene each time they get too comfortable. 

9. Open up about your fears

It is normal to feel unwanted in a relationship. But the importance of the situation rarely comes to manifestation. To make it clear that you don’t like to feel abandoned, once and for all, share about your deepest fears. Don’t make it a blame game. Just say whatever you feel without regrets. 

10. Visit a therapist

If the situation doesn’t change or you find out the reason if your self-conciosness, consulting a specialist is always a good idea. Be clear about your feelings, say that you would like to save a relationship, and become a better person. Let the family therapist point out your patterns of behavior and advice individual solutions.

A feeling of abandonment is natural to us, social human beings. But all the problems often have a deeper meaning. If you dislike the constant feeling of unwantedness in a relationship, try to notice how often it happens, what preliminary action causes it and how you choose to react to it. 

Comments (2)

Oliver

Oliver

Nov 4,  2020,  9:37 PM

Trust me, you can't just take it and stop loving your partner even when you feel unwanted! No matter how you try, the person will treat you the same and you will keep questioning their feelings. And it hurts, really hurts. But it remains only to accept the fact that the pain you are experiencing is normal. Give yourself a chance to grieve a little, but only a little. Try to get away from this person. As they say: out of sight — out of mind. You will meet someone who will love you and numb your pain. The main thing is to understand that life does not end there. Feeling mistreated is not right and your partner should not give you such feelings.

Gordon

Gordon

Nov 4,  2020,  9:40 PM

You are addicted to love if you constantly question your partner’s relation to you. Read the book “When There Is Too Much Love.” What to do? Leave, block, stop communication. As for an alcoholic: do not go out with drinking friends and do not buy alcohol, do not pour, do not drink. Survive the withdrawal. Before entering a new relationship, you can try to restore personality either in the 12 steps program, or in the "Harmonious personality" program. Because you will get away from this, you will find another the same if you do not take a course of personality rehabilitation. When your partner doesn't love you — accept this fact and run away.

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