Investing in relationships is undeniably what makes us feel needed and enhances our self-esteem. After all, you need to work hard to have a payoff, even from a loved one. And if you want the love that you think you deserve; you must make an effort to earn it. Love should not be easy. So, it’s quite normal that a little work needs to be done on achieving it. However, the question also arises of making sure that you are simply not wasting your time on the one who is not worth it. Remember that you have one life, and like everyone else, you have also a limit to your resources and capabilities. You should not spend them on someone when you see red flags before dating.
As soon as you notice that you are next to a girl who is not worthy of you, you will have to step aside from such a person. You must be strong enough to leave this relationship and try not to involve in such women dating. Do not waste your love on the one who takes it for granted. But how should you know that in advance? Today we will talk about the red flags in dating a woman to save you from relationships that have no future.
Why Men Don't Always Pay Attention to Dating Red Flags?
There are several reasons why we remain in a relationship that we do not need. Sometimes, it’s enough just to recognize them - and then you will find the confidence to put an end to them.
Emotional addiction is a condition that is extremely difficult to overcome because its roots go deep into childhood. You probably know the most terrible paradox of childhood: the worse parents treat a child, the stronger they are attached to them, the stronger the emotional dependence of a kid will be. That may be one of the reasons a boy will not pay attention to dating red flags for guys later in adulthood. Why is that? Because the child gradually learns the behavior of parents, their reactions, their methods of communication and patterns. And this means that a child who grows up in a prosperous family is gradually developing a resource that allows him to love himself. Because he generally knows what it is to love. He can feel sorry for himself, he can put himself together, and grow into an independent adult man, ready to take care of someone, distinguish his emotions and not have trust issues in relationships.
And a child who is mistreated will always be addicted. The adult man that this child has become, in fact, has no choice: he will certainly enter into a relationship where he will again be mistreated. Because this is his standard of love, and he knows no other pattern. The problem is that extreme addiction does not necessarily provoke emotional dependence. A difficult relationship is not always connected with cruelty. Besides, our memory has the property of crowding out everything bad. Therefore, if you can’t break off relationships that don’t suit you, you should probably talk to a specialist about this and look for reasons in your childhood.
Perfectionism is another reason why some people do not notice red flags in relationships when dating. From the side, it seems that love has nothing to do with it, but in fact, it does. Hyperresponsibility is the main scourge of perfectionists and excellent students. And everything falls into the sphere of responsibility, including the partner. This can be connected with thoughts like, "How can I leave her, she will not survive without me!" Hyperresponsibility forces us to “adopt” a person: we take on too much because it's easier to do it ourselves than to explain how to do it right (but we can't look at what was done wrong, we do not see it as on the surface everything was great). As a result, the partner’s sphere of responsibility shrinks to microscopic dimensions, and we look at a girl as a cute but completely helpless creature. How can we leave such relationships then?
Even red flags in dating do not help in the situation with emotional immaturity. It, in fact, has nothing to do with age, but it is directly related to life experience. We all know that early marriages break up in most cases. But we do not know what mark it leaves on spouses. In fact, it costs a lot: young partners remain in a relationship that has no future for quite some time just because they cannot imagine themselves on their own. You need to decide on loneliness.
This is the same "jump into cold water" that everyone needs to complete. It’s just that some people “jump out” of their home for free flight, while others jump into a serious relationship. And this means that emotional growing up is postponed: there is no way to take responsibility for oneself, this responsibility is divided into two. That is why it is very difficult to get out of a serious relationship that started quite early.
People with low self-esteem find it difficult to break a hopeless relationship because they are confident that there will be no such relationship. Never! Who needs them if not their present partner? We must hold on to a partner who has done us a favor and forced themselves to date us. Thank you, good man! It doesn't just sound awful because it's really awful. But the fact is that you can and should work with self-esteem. Adequate self-esteem is a necessary condition for a harmonious relationship. If it is too high, understated or too unstable, nothing will come out of it: a painful relationship will continue, and no dating red flags will change the situation.
Early Red Flags in Dating
Some relationships last for decades, others last no more than ten days. Often this happens because we select the wrong ones and ignore the early red flags in dating. Although you can notice these signs in the first week of the relationship. Here are the most important signals that shout, “This girl does not suit you!”
1. She speaks only about herself
Usually, girls talk more than guys, and the constant chatter of a companion should not even make you worry. Actually, there is nothing wrong when a girl talks more than a guy. But listen to what she is talking about. If it is only about how her day went, what she did, saw and what she discovered but is not interested in your affairs at all, interrupts when you try to talk about your affairs – she is a real egoist. Even the most talkative but interested in the interlocutor people will at least sometimes give him the floor.
2. She's clearly not interested
To achieve an inaccessible person can be interesting but up to a point. It is unlikely that you want to forever reluctantly text her, take the initiative and call on dates. Relationships are built on mutual responsibility and the ability to find a compromise. You, as a man, must make bigger concessions than hers. But if a girl never pleads guilty, even when this guilt is obvious, and never apologizes, then this indicates her immaturity for the relationship. Determine how many more attempts to attract her attention you can afford without prejudice to pride. And if she’s still cold after them, forget about her. You deserve a life partner who will be interested in you no less than you are in her.
3. Your values do not match
Two people cannot always agree on everything, but contradictions are different. It's one thing when you listen to different music but can enjoy going to a concert and have a great time there together. But if she wants to move to Europe and open a business there, and you want to build a house in the country, having invested all the capital in it, it will not be easy for you to agree. Serious disagreements over the place of residence, finances, marriage, children and similar important areas of life will destroy relationships sooner or later. It is better to gently implement discussing these issues into your communication during the first weeks because this way many red flags for dating a woman can come up. As it is very hard to change the person’s mind towards some fundamental issues and, what is more, you have no right to force someone into following your life mottos, it is better not to enter into such relationships at all.
4. She has no time for you
If you have been dating for some time, and she still cannot squeeze you into her busy schedule, does she really want this? You can always find a little time to see who you like. What are the red flags in dating? Of course, not paying attention to the person you are with and not trying to seek opportunities to meet are among them.
5. She still remembers the ex
If a girl has just painfully broken up with someone and is still sad for him, you may well be just a way to get distracted or a temporary option until they make peace. Even if she likes you, but the past cannot leave the girl alone, she needs time. Take a break and if she wants to be with you, she will show it. Do not be someone’s “backup” option, you are worth attention, love, and respect. You deserve a relationship that has a future and not the one where you will be used. You know it better yourself, do not feed your ego with false expectations, you are lying to yourself if you ignore red flags for dating.
6. She has a windy reputation
No wonder they say, "A person who once cheated can do it again." Of course, everyone can stumble. If a girl once cheated on a guy before you or even with you, this does not mean that she will cheat on you either. But when you know that she was not faithful to anyone, it is very unlikely that it will be different in a relationship with you.
She was abandoned by a guy. And now, more carefully, so as not to miss the thought. We do not mean that a guy once and for some reason abandoned her. The timing of their separation is important here. If this happened recently, and she often recalls it, then you can serve as a temporary refuge for her, a way to distract or, even worse, annoy the former. In this case, it is worth abandoning such a relationship. And if you like this girl, then give her time to move away from parting, and if she is worth it, she will reappear in your life.
7. She's lying
Of course, at the beginning of the relationship, we all embellish a little and try to seem better than we are. But here it is important to know the measure. If you have caught a beloved one more than once in a lie, most likely, and in the future, she will continue to fool you. This is one of the dating red flags to look for in a woman. Check from time to time whether her words correspond to her actions and the reality she is describing. Of course, in case you suspect something, and your gut tells you what is wrong about her.
8. Next to her, you have to pretend
In a healthy relationship, both partners are not afraid to open up and share all their experiences, develop together and change for the better. If you have to be unnatural, pretended, too serious, silent or irritable (in general, not to be yourself) next to her, it means your relationships have no future. If you cannot be sincere with a girl, she causes you to have some negative emotions that you cannot express openly, slows down your development – those dating red flags show that you simply do not fit each other.
Look at the Bright Side: Positive Signs in Early Relationships
One day we will meet our match. If not perfect, even if there are some red flags in dating, their insignificance will be overshadowed by how many great things there are about this person. This moment is sure to come, you just have to believe. Sometimes, to marry happily, people - both men and women - wait for many years. Some enter into a relationship in a hurry and come out to feel wrong, and some, on the contrary, drag out to the point that the issue of marriage ceases to be generally relevant, and also make mistakes.
And all you need to do is to not miss this moment, which determines your whole life. The next things will help you with this.
You do not get tired of her
A wife is not just a lover, it is, first of all, a person you spend 24 hours a day with. Whether you are healthy or have a runny nose, you are dressed to impress or wandering around the house in shorts and socks, inspired or languishing in boredom, your wife will accept any of your manifestations.
You don’t need to amaze her every second with the breadth of erudition and subjugate the originality of your views on everything - save your talents for the courtship period, and even during it, do not waste all your time since if she is your person, she won’t expect anything from you then explosive every five minutes. You do not need rest from each other, you do not pretend, you just feel as natural as possible near this person – this is a clearly good sign.
She does not suppress you. And in general, this is not in her manner
She gives you freedom, and you understand it from the very first second. That is, she is already such a person - no matter how old she is – this person doesn't behave clingily, doesn't makes you follow her rules or change you. You are not a resource for her self-development, she realizes you are just another person who needs to be treated with respect.
A woman who is smart and developed will never insist on something that suits only her, trying to convince you from the very first steps. You are also not an idiot to begin to express your life views from the very first phrases, right? You just feel that you have been given an important place in her life, and this is blissful in itself.
She opens her heart to you, and you enjoy every new side of her
She has cultivated an amazing garden in which you feel like a guest. The garden opens its doors to you, and you go in there slightly stupefied by aromas and walk until you get bored. She is a woman, she is the source of your strength, a secret refuge from the injustices of this world, which means that she is everything for you. Even the darkest corners of this garden, where all her skeletons are stored, do not scare you away. You find her beautiful in every manifestation. She has no secrets hidden from you (except for those that have been kept silent about for your sake)
This is a very important aspect: her secrets, into which you have no right to intrude, cannot be directed against you. Sometimes her whole being is love for you, and all yours is love for her, which does not deny the existence of the personal space of each of you.
If desired, any of your text, any content of your work or home computer as well as a social blog can be interpreted against you or her, but the main thing is that even such a desire does not arise. She can’t be malicious against you and hide from you some nightmare horrors like cheating or a child on the side left on her mother.
She merged with you voluntarily, being separate, and you accepted her because you wanted to
You feel that you make up a single organism together from some moment. It is unclear what kind of effect this is: she has her own hands, legs, an opinion about what is good, what is bad. But at the same time, you feel the extreme unity with her and anything she does, you are ready to accept it.
If you disagree with political views, this is no reason to quarrel but the chance to find a compromise without avoiding the “dangerous” topic in the future. You are ready to discuss practically anything. She is a continuation of you, like the Looking Glass using which you open all your life in more detail.
Many people, both women, and men, the dream of meeting their soul mate, a person who is close in soul and spirit, communication with whom will always be a joy, and with whom you want to share happiness and sadness, and go through life together. Therefore, thousands of new users are registered on dating sites daily, and hundreds of single people go on a first date. However, not every acquaintance is successful, and many people, unfortunately, instead of a happy romantic relationship acquire a "suitcase without a handle," a hopeless relationship that will never grow into something more than a meaningless romance and will bring only disappointment.
If a man aims to find a soul mate and create a happy family, he must learn to determine whether the relationship has any prospects already at the first stages of romantic communication, otherwise, you can lose months or even years of life trying to build a relationship with the wrong person. Despite the widespread belief that it is impossible to recognize “the one” in a short time, there are some red flags that help you take a sober look at the situation.