Communication is an important component of any relationship, be it romantic, business, or family ties. During the conversation, the interlocutors alternately change the roles of a speaker and a listener. It occurs due to mutual respect and concern for each other's feelings. Although, there are people who love to speak and do not know how to listen. If you often come across such "great talkers" and do not know how to deal with them, it's time to gain this invaluable skill. So, today you are going to learn how to control talking too much during a romantic date and deal with people who talk too much. Let’s get started!
Is It Bad Talking About Yourself Too Much on a Date?
People are social beings who spend a significant part of their time communicating with others. They share plans and crack jokes, recall the past and dream about the future, exchange ideas, and new information. It is the function of intraspecific communication that plays a central role in the survival and prosperity of humankind. With the help of a conversation, people gain new experiences, charge with optimism, solve problems, and get inspiration.
Why do people talk too much? Own thoughts and feelings are favorite topics to discuss for most people. About 60% of dialogues are focused on the personality of one of the participants of the conversation. Moreover, this number increases to 80% when it comes to communication in virtual space, for example, when a man is trying to meet a woman online. So why in a world full of new ideas and topics for conversation, people spend most of the time talking about themselves? Recent studies provide a simple explanation: because it's pleasant. Scientists at Harvard University have checked how talking about oneself affects the human brain. As it turned out, talking about oneself activates such areas of the brain as the medial prefrontal cortex and the nucleus accumbens which is associated with the dopamine system. Therefore, when people speak about themselves, they experience the same pleasure as, for example, during sex, taking drugs, or eating delicious food.
However, besides pleasure, talking can also do much harm if it is excessive. In psychology, there is even a special term called “logorrhoea” which means talking too much disorder. No one likes people who speak too much and do not know how to listen to others, especially when it comes to dating. Remember that you come up with romantic date ideas to have a good time and enjoy a nice talk with a person you like, but not to list your merits and achievements the whole time. Indeed, communication is a two-sided process, you should not take up all the time of the conversation with your own self, especially on the first date. After all, you get acquainted with another person. If you cannot stop talking about yourself, how can you learn anything about your interlocutor?
How to Not Talk Too Much on a First Date
The first date is a very important and exciting moment in a relationship because you will no longer have the opportunity to make a first impression on a person you like. This meeting is equally worrying for both a guy and a girl. Dress/shirt, hairstyle, perfume – everything should be perfect. Moreover, a person will not only look at you but also listen to you. Therefore, you should know how to avoid talking too much on your first date to make a good impression and attract someone you like.
1. Make pauses in your story
Some people are so worried about not seeming boring on a first date that in the end, an interlocutor does not even manage to say a single word during their conversation. Maintaining interest does not mean talking incessantly. Do not be afraid to speak, but at the same time, let the other person express their thoughts too. So, you should make pauses in your story from time to time – most probably, the interlocutor also has something to say. Do not hog the blanket! Your speech should take up only about 30-40% of the conversation, no more.
2. Learn the technique of proper dialoguing
The basic principle of the proper dialoguing technique is to ask the right questions. It will help you avoid awkward pauses and deadlock situations when you both do not know what to say. The right questions are those that require an open and detailed answer from an interlocutor. Let's consider the following simple examples.
- “Have you taken breakfast today?”
- “Do you like the movie?”
- “Have you tried this dish before?”
- “What have you eaten for breakfast today?”
- “What are your impressions of the movie?”
- “What cuisine do you like the most and why?”
3. Do not go into details
People are not very concerned about the exact dates, names, surnames, and other details that you try to remember during the conversation. They are simply not interested in all this stuff. On a first date, people want to know what kind of person you are, what they have in common with you, and whether you match. So, forget about unnecessary details and try to speak to the point.
4. Use “filters”
Make it a rule to "filter" everything that you are going to say. Think over at least 3 criteria that your speech should meet. For example, your words should not harm another person, secondly, you must be completely sure of their truthfulness and, thirdly, they are really conversable and will not turn out to be pointless blathering. And only after your thought passes such a triple check, you can say it openly. Not without reason, Chinese wisdom says, "Do not say it if this does not change the silence for the better."
5. Ask about the interests of the interlocutor
All people like to talk about themselves and things that are especially important for them. So, do not forget to ask an interlocutor about what they do in their free time, how often they do it, and why they like it so much. You will immediately notice how the partner’s face shines with happiness when they start talking about what is really important for them. This is one of the best ways on how to stop talking too much about yourself during the date.
6. Learn to listen
This is the most important skill not only for communicating on the first date but also for building social relations in general. Of course, it is much easier and pleasant to speak for yourself. And to listen to someone carefully, one needs to make some efforts and expend the inner energy. But a real conversation between people does not work without listening. What is more, each person is pleased to realize that someone listens and understands them. So, in such a way, you will not talk too much and increase your chances of a successful romantic date.
Topics to Discuss on a Date to Avoid Talking About Yourself Too Much
Awkward silence, tough questions, or, even worse, simple boredom – a date can turn into a real disaster if two people have long forgotten how to build communication with unfamiliar people properly. However, you can always take advantage of several life hacks to push your date closer to the standard of Hollywood romantic melodramas. And so, there is a list of exciting topics to discuss on a date to make your conversation interesting and avoid talking about yourself too much.
- vacation and holidays;
- aesthetics and beauty;
Topics you should avoid:
- any negative stuff: unhappiness, stress, accidents, sad events, etc;
- talking about exes too much;
- money, salary;
- health complaints.
How to Tell Someone They Talk Too Much and What to Do
There are a lot of guys who complain of a girl talking too much on a date. It is commonly believed that the representatives of the weaker sex are prone to speaking a lot. Although nowadays, men who talk too much are not an altogether rare occurrence. It happens that you have to deal with a great talker but do not know how to do it properly in order not to offend the interlocutor. So, there are 5 useful tips on how to tell someone they talk too much.
1. Try to politely interrupt the interlocutor
After you have listened to a person quite some time and determined for yourself the meaning of their speech, try to politely interrupt the interlocutor. If the talker begins to apologize for speaking too much, do not fall for the play, otherwise, you will both find yourself in an awkward situation. In case you hear a request to end the thought, politely notice that you thought that the person you are speaking to has already said everything. Ask the talker to listen to you carefully to confirm that you understood everything correctly. If you are not heard, you have no choice but to let the interlocutor finish their thought. But as soon as this person changes the subject, you can boldly interrupt them.
2. Show that you understood what was heard
Having interrupted your interlocutor, be ready to share your impressions of what you heard. Your comments should be related to the topic, concise, and positive. Do not be surprised if your interlocutor tries to speak for you. More often than not, this may be caused by the fear of criticism. You should just let it pass and continue talking, saying the interlocutor that you would really like to finish your thought on the discussed issue.
3. Make the talker speak more specifically
If the conversation drags on, you can always ask your interlocutor the question, "What does it mean when you talk about...?" or "What exactly do you want to tell me now?" Thus, you make the talker stop "waffling on" and speak to the question. Usually, this option is suitable when a person talks at great length, and you are used to speaking intelligibly and want to see this quality in your interlocutor.
4. Say something irrelevant to the topic
At times, you can say something off-topic, "Today, it is snowing again." Thus, you make it clear to a person that they talk too much, and you are no longer interested in listening to what they are talking about. But to make the pot sweeter, you can add, "I'm sorry, I’ve sunk into a reverie" or "memories of the past have filled my mind."
5. Use body language
Another option to tell someone they talk too much is to use non-verbal signs. The easiest way to do this is to look at the watch with a puzzled air. Also, you can be distracted by other people or look around. Sensitive interlocutors will certainly notice this and understand that they've dragged their speech out and turned the dialogue into a monologue.
Communication between people is a complex process in which everything should be balanced. No matter how witty and erudite you are, sometimes it’s worth smothering your own voice, stopping the elongated monologue, and starting listening to a person you date. Now, you know how to control your talking and deal with people who talk too much on a date. A properly-constructed dialog will brighten up your date and bring you a lot of positive emotions. We wish you successful dates and cheerful conversations!