How to decide if you want a baby
Psychologists are convinced that upbringing depends on how the psychology of parenting seems to mothers and fathers even before the birth of a child. What everyone should know when deciding to have a baby:
- a child is a new person, unfamiliar to you;
- you should teach the child how to relate to oneself;
- in order to bring up a child, there should not be positions or levels of achievement, but features (independent, confident, sensitive, etc.);
- it is important not to bully children when they do something wrong, but to support when they are doing well;
- all attempts should be limited to the only thing - the child can do only what he or she is able to do;
- while adults are guided by logic, the child is guided by feelings, intuition;
- it is important not only to calm the child, but also to teach them how to eliminate the causes of any suffering;
- it is important for the child to give a sense of the positivity of life;
- just loving a child is not enough - it is important to show love so that they feel it.
Growing-up is accompanied by mental development. The central nervous system is being improved, various mental functions are being developed. Surprisingly, a child is born as a whole person who recognizes the world around, its objects and human relations. By the time of birth, the child is already predisposed to establishing ties with the world actively, due to the system of food, orienting, protective reflexes. In childhood, the human psyche is surprisingly flexible, and every second is ready to learn new experiences through cognitive processes (attention, thinking, memory, etc.).
The development of the child’s psyche is a complex process of maturation and improvement of mental functions, which is influenced by many factors: heredity, upbringing conditions, intrauterine development, and environment. The development of the child's psyche does not always occur evenly. The periods of relatively steady development are replaced by the periods of rapid and spontaneous development. Each age period is characterized by the development of certain anatomical, physiological and psychological neoplasms, the emergence of new social needs and ways of interacting with the environment. In the process of development, the child’s knowledge, intellectual abilities, and behavior become more complex and deeper, their personality is forming.
Many parents believe that children are a necessary life experience, and many will also say that parental status is all joys and difficulties. The decision about the desire and willingness whether to have a child is one of the most important in life. There is no right or wrong answer, because no one is obliged to have children just because they have reached a certain age. Think about your motives, evaluate your lifestyle and relationships with a partner to make the right decision for yourself and your family.
Think about your motives
The desire to have a child is often reinforced by biological and cultural factors. Do not rush to bend under pressure from the outside. Assess your ability to take care of the child for the next 18 years, as well as support them throughout their life.
A child is not just a temporary commitment. Among other things, to provide a child you need a huge amount of money. It should be understood that the child is also a mental investment. Studies convince us that paternity and motherhood are associated with the same weakening of the feeling of joy, like divorce or unemployment. Sure, joy will come back with time, but consider your mental health and your ability to cope with future difficulties.
2. Evaluate current events in life
Many people want to have a child after a major event in life or at a time of crisis. Take a look at what is happening in your life and make sure that this is not just a temporary motivation.
Some couples tend to believe that a child will save a bad relationship. It is impossible to say the opposite, but usually, the difficulties of upbringing are more likely to harm relationships than making them stronger.
Some couples believe that a child is a necessary next step after marriage. No one can name the only right moment when it is time to have a child so rely on yourself and your spouse. Think about how strong your mutual desire is. Perhaps you should return to this question after some time. Sometimes life events such as recovery from a serious illness cause people to live life to the fullest every day. There is nothing wrong with having a child after such an event, but do not rush and consider all the long-term consequences of such a decision.
3. Think about life without children
If you grew up with the conviction that becoming a parent is the only possible option, then try to think and imagine your life without children. This is just a mental exercise, not a final decision, but try to imagine your work, relationships, hobbies, and personal interests to which you can devote time and energy if you do not have children.
Ask yourself: “Do I like any of this more than the prospect of becoming a parent?” Pay attention to your instinctive reaction. If one of the presented aspects is no less interesting to you than the desire to have children, then evaluate how much one contradicts the other. Can you do this work, hobby or develop relationships, if you have a child?
Reasons to have a baby
1. Children mean happiness
They are so sweet, kind, pretty, affectionate, sincere. Don`t you believe? Every breath they take, every movement, a smile makes adults happy. At some point, you will not be able to understand how you used to live without these little people. You will never smile so many times a day unless you have a child. Kids really make you happy.
2. Recall childhood
Regardless of whether your childhood was happy, your child will give you the opportunity to plunge into it again. Do you remember a carefree time? Already being an adult, with the accumulated baggage of experience and wisdom, it is more pleasant to experience these feelings for the second time.
The child is like a blank sheet of paper. Every day you will learn together new sensations, emotions, get new knowledge. As you help your child to explore the world, you will experience new feelings. You have the opportunity to reread many beautiful books and watch a lot of great movies and cartoons.
Everything that you already know how to do, your child only has to master. This will give you the opportunity to see how much you have learned and have already achieved. Your baby will help you see the world in a completely new way, and what you have not noticed before or did not attach much attention to will become something new and interesting for you.
Genes are only a small part of what you can pass on to a child. Your ideas, beliefs, manners. Fortunately or unfortunately, your child will never be your copy, but it will contain much from parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents. You will give your child a piece of your soul, love, and happiness.
In every society, there are families that bring up and develop children in different ways. You are sure to meet new friends and acquaintances who are ready to argue about the methods of upbringing, learning to walk, vaccinations, potty training, etc. Communicating with people who are close to your vital "children's" topics, you will meet like-minded people, and it will be easier for you to survive the difficulties.
Each family has its own laws of education. Someone thinks that physical punishment is a convenient way to calm the child, others are convinced that you need to talk with the child, listen to them and try to understand what they want to express through their rebelliousness. There is no right or wrong way of rearing. There is your own way. When you realize that your methods are not perfect, you can correct them. Discuss, think, read books on education, but do not try to convince others that only you have the secret to the proper upbringing of children.
Unfortunately, there are orphanages in our country. This step is not easy to take. But making happy at least one child who has no parents, you will surely find a great spiritual state.
Children have a lot of energy and enthusiasm. Children laugh, rage, jump, climb trees and ropes, stand on their heads and sometimes fight. Having fun with them, you will feel even happier.
Parents are the center of the universe for their child. Having given children love and affection, it will return to you definitely like a boomerang. Love your children. After all, love is the most wonderful feeling on earth!
Best age to have a baby biologically (when is the right time to have a baby)
If a woman wants to give birth to three children, she must give birth to a first child no later than 23; if she wants to become the mother of two children, she should start no later than 27 years of age, which is an average age to have a baby, and her first and only child can be born at 32.
In all of the above cases, the probability of successful development of the situation and the birth of all planned children will be more than 90%.
Up to 75% of the chances for a favorable outcome will decrease if a woman starts having children at the age of 31 (in the case of wanting to have three), 34 and 37 for two and one child respectively. When postponing pregnancy to 35, 38 and 41 years, the probability of a happy motherhood will decrease even more - up to 50%.
As the calculations of specialists show, if a woman is about to give birth using in-vitro fertilization (the science department already told about the pitfalls of this procedure a few months ago), she has more time to think.
To give birth to three children with a more than 90 percent chance of success, you can start at the age of 28, twins at the age of 31, and you can wait until the age of 35 with one child.
If you are not afraid of the 75 percent success rate, then the age limit rises to 33, 35 and 39 years, respectively. So, we hope that now you are aware of when is the right time to have a baby and what is the best time for it.
How much does it cost to have a baby
The first year of life
The first year of a child’s life is not the most costly in terms of money, but it’s still a turning point in terms of a family budget, because a new person appears in the family with own requests. Parents are discovering a new industry - goods for children and parents (especially if the child is the first in a family) - and often plunge so deep into it that it is rather difficult to come back. Both morally and financially. Because the family budget is reduced - this applies to numbers. And expands to infinity. There is some minimum, but there is no ceiling value.
Clothes and shoes for children
All parents know that clothes are one of the most serious categories of spending on a baby: what kind of mother does not want her child to be smart! What a young mother doesn’t want to choose funny hats with ears on her own, and then dress up her baby girl, seeing in that this is exactly what she has dreamed of since childhood - to be a mother when she played house.
Toys and books
Sometimes it is impossible to get out of a children's shop without taking a new crocodile, tableware, or pyramid with them. But the list of purchased toys turned out to be small: a pyramid, wooden developing beads, a metallophone, doll gloves, a set for a sandbox, a box for toys on wheels, soap bubbles and balloons. Joy for every day!