How to give someone space
At the first stages of a love relationship, one wants to be with their sweetheart every second: to see and admire every movement, listen to compliments and give compliments in return. Even at night, even if your relationship hasn’t reached the intimate stage, you still want to see your loved one. Whether this is love, or maybe dependence, it does not matter. The important thing is that a person should be near you, otherwise you begin to experience discomfort, you do not want to do anything.
Even if you used to sleep soundly, you cannot close your eyes without picturing the object of your love. This is such a nice romantic story. If you could prolong this moment for life. But alas, time passes, and with time your relationship grows. You decide to bind yourself by marriage, give birth to a child and live together. Well, great plans. Only you feel that your relationship is not as warm and hot as before. If a couple of years ago you could not breathe without each other, today you no longer feel such a drastic need. Yes, you have common interests, you feel good together, but you do not spend every minute with each other already. Your partner more often has a desire to be alone or go to meet friends, and you do not mind spending leisure separately.
The desire to find time for solitude is perceived very difficult by the fair sex. It may seem that the man fell out of love, lost interest and even started an "affair" on the side. As for men, they are less vulnerable and understand the importance of personal space. When they spend every hour with their chosen one and only with her, they begin to feel bound hand and foot, as if their whole life is under control. Men aspire to freedom and independence. If they are married, there can’t complete freedom, and men (at least those who made the decision to marry consciously) do not demand it, but they will defend their right to personal space at any cost. It would be okay, however, men have their own "sins".
Some of them, defending zealously their own right to have personal space, infringe their beloved in this right. They do not allow her to meet with friends, be alone with herself, etc., because they are afraid of possible betrayal on the part of the partner. In addition, most men are proprietors and want their woman to be only with them. The result of such actions raises discontent among women and demands to observe equality. Alas, it is often the lack of personal space of one of the partners that is the reason for the severance of relations. The blame for the lack of personal space in relationships is the stereotype imposed on many children since childhood "loved hearts should always do everything together." If both partners adhere to this principle and are ready to be together every second, so be it. The main thing is that both of them feel good about it. But, as practice shows, such couples are in a clear minority.
Worst of all is when one of the partners does not agree that the partner should have a personal space. They explain this with love and the desire to save the family, but in fact it looks like an unhealthy addiction and the first step towards the end of the relationship. Constant calls, hundreds of messages a day and even ... a secret agent who follows a partner. Is this behavior correct? If you are trying to destroy a family and cause dissatisfaction with a partner - then yes, it is. In other cases, this should not be done.
The need for a person in a personal space is also universal, as a need for recognition, respect, fellowship and love. For some, this need is more pronounced, and for some – less, but the fact remains that such a need exists, and sooner or later a person will try to satisfy it. Why is it so necessary for man? Just in order not to go mad from the monotony of life and not to lose individuality. A person should feel that he or she has their own territory, which is completely under their control. No one can enter this territory, even the closest people. Thus, we can affirm that personal space in relations can and should be respected, because violation of a person's personal space leads to frequent conflict situations.
Now let's move from words to deeds and see how to give someone space without losing them:
1. Understand. If you interfere with a personal space of a partner, it does not always mean that he or she is happy about everything. Invasion of personal space is a time bomb that will explode when you least expect it. At the beginning of a family relationship, the partner does not perceive intrusion into the personal space as something wrong. The reason for this is the numerous problems that the family needs to solve in order to start a full-fledged family life. In addition, each of the partners tries on a new role - the role of the spouse, which is entrusted with many responsibilities. Nevertheless, when the family life gets on the rails, the depriving the partner oftheir personal space begins to strain heavily. If you do not allow a partner to go out with friends or even to be just alone with himself, the first time he will normally say about it. The second time he will say this more convincingly, but if the situation does not change after this - await the scandal.
2. A person will not renounce a right to personal freedom so easily. Moreover, this is absolutely correct. The only person to whom it seems wrong is a partner who deprives his close person of this right. Often, the partner is afraid to offend a close person and tries to endure the intrusion into personal space. But inner discontent is constantly growing, a person is visited by gloomy thoughts, whether it is desirable or not. One day, your partner will not be able to tolerate and utter to the partner everything that "boils" inside. And the longer a person restrains internal discontent, the stronger the scandal and screams will be. Do you want that? Therefore, listen to what your partner wants to tell you, and do not take into account only your own interests. If the partner once tells you about a personal space - do not think to ignore him, otherwise next time he will not be so nice and gallant in expressing his own point of view regarding personal space.
3. Start to respect your personal space. It sounds a little strange - how can a man who himself deprives a partner of this space can begin to respect and uphold his right to private space? That's the secret! If in your family you were brought up according to the principles "husband and wife should spend all the time together", you probably do not know what it means to have your own personal space. Out of ignorance you are trying to tie a partner to yourself, and as a result you both suffer.
4. Find a hobby. You must have interests that have nothing to do with your partner. You probably have friends. So why don't you join a group or do aerobics together. This is useful for your body, and for your family relationships. In addition, if you are not married for the first year, it will be useful for you to relax from each other. Now, it's hard for you to believe this, but it's really useful. Your hobby will so entice you that you will cease to be dependent on the presence of your partner, and he will be able to dispose of his personal space at his discretion. The main thing is not to get carried away with the hobby too much, because you run the risk to forget about the existence of a partner completely. And this is not a joke, such cases have already occurred in a real married life.
5. How to give your boyfriend space? First of all, stop to control your partner totally. It seems to you that you have to control every step of your partner. You don't have the right to do this. Yes, he is your spouse, but he is not your slave. If you have a habit of checking your partner's phone, getting to know his colleagues, checking his pockets, and calling every five minutes with the same question "How are you?" - get rid of this habit immediately. The value of the issue is very high - this is the fate of your family. It depends on your decision, whether your love story will have a future or not. The only reason that your partner has a total control and has not yet expressed everything to you directly without intention to offend you. Just put yourself in his shoes. What would happen if your partner installed surveillance and monitored your every move? Would you approve this? Of course not. Respect his right to have his own personal space. And what can change in a person's life in the five minutes that have passed since your last call? The desire to monitor a partner constantly kills the most valuable thing that exists in the relationship between two people - the feeling of careful and quivering attitude towards each other. This feeling can be saved only if you save your personal space. The same way giving a woman space.
6. Realize that you and your partner can have different interests. If your spouse loves football and goes with his friends to every match of their favorite team, do not interfere with this. Instead of indignation "You do not go anywhere!", better join him. Who knows, maybe you will like football, and this is another joint interest that will help to strengthen your relationship. The same applies to men - you should not forbid your wife to go shopping for hours. Keep her company. After all, she buys clothes in order to please you. And this means that she might need your advice on this or that potential purchase. If the probability that you can share hobby with a partner is zero - do not despair, because you can always spend your free time on affaires that you like.
7. Understand once and for all: the fact that you and your partner spend some time separately is a normal and natural process. Each person has own needs and desires, which are not always associated exclusively with the partner. Therefore, discuss with your partner in advance the issue of personal space. This will allow you to avoid misunderstandings and possible scandals in the future.
8. Love and care should also be in moderation. It seems to you, the more attention you give your partner, the stronger he will love you. However, it is necessary not to overdo it. In addition, the more often you show concern, the more a person gets used to it and begins to appreciate it less .Think about it!
How to give your girlfriend space
Do not demand from the girl love and attention. You should pay more attention to the girl, but do it sincerely. Never put ultimatums like "You must spend the weekend with me”, or other ultimatums. You will not achieve anything. You will make the first step to breaking the relationship.
Give her space and she will come back
Do not forget that not only the representatives of the stronger sex will not tolerate pressing in the relationship but also women!
Let's consider how to create freedom in a relationship, so that you and your girlfriend will get joy and will not feel infringed:
1. Respect. Respect is the basis of relationships, because romantic love, due to which two people decided to marry, sooner or later passes, and respect must always be there, otherwise each member of the family will bring only disappointment. Respect for a partner's right to have personal freedom is compulsory. If you do not like that your partner has too much freedom, or just do not like their social circle, just calmly talk about it. There is no need to fight in hysterics and shout about divorce.
2. Mutual understanding. You must consider that your partner has interests different from your interests, to which she also has the right to spend her free time. In no case should you try to subordinate the interests of a partner to your interests - you will only provoke resistance and aggression in your partner. Nevertheless, the best option for maintaining a harmonious relationship will be the presence of 1-2 joint hobbies. Then, you can simultaneously do your favorite things.
3. Your partner is not your property. Remember that each partner has equal rights and responsibilities, and therefore, referring to the partner as a property, or as a "younger" member of the family, you thereby encroach on her freedom of choice, choice of the way she goes. If the dictator in spite of everything does not want to give up the position of partner management, sooner or later such relationships will be doomed to failure. Think about it, and give the partner the right to personal freedom. Only by changing the situation and yourself, you can find a reason to hope that the girlfriend will have the desire to be with you in spite of everything.
4. Giving space in a relationship after a fight
If your partner accepts the presence of a personal space after a fight, do not try to convince your partner to change the point of view. It is better to agree that each of you will have a personal space. To remake the partner for themselves has not been possible to anyone yet, so do not engage in nonsense. Spend much time with a partner, share your interests and respect the right to a personal space. Then your family will have a bright and happy future.
How to give space in a relationship and come closer
Learn to express emotions
If you feel extremely unhappy and are just about to explode, tell your partner about it. "I'm outraged by your behavior," "I'm very upset that you do this", "I'm unhappy that you do not listen to my opinion." Expressed emotions are already a halfway to success. When a partner knows what you are feeling, he will understand you better, and this promotes emotional closeness.
- Learn to express regret from the heart
How often do you express regret sincerely with all your heart? Never? Rarely? A person who repents sincerely has a different intonation and the timbre of voice.
- Do not lose emotional contact
If you lose contact with a partner, restore it as soon as possible, even if it is "embarrassing" and "uncomfortable". There is a great risk that relations can end forever.
- Never blackmail in relationships
If the relationship is of value to you - do not manipulate them.
If you want a strong relationship, hug your partner more often. This helps relieve tension and get rid of the cold in a relationship. And remember: no matter what happens, always sleep in the same bed!
- Sex is not the main thing
Many single girls think that with the help of sex you can build a relationship. Unfortunately, it is not so.
- Develop your relationships
A relationship is not a constant, but a variable. That is, everything has the property of changing, and the relationship too. If you are not the same as 10 years ago, allow your partner to change too. Make plans, discuss events, dream, enjoy this life and each other!